It’s Complicated

 Y’all, my body is a mystery at this point. I recently (1 month) was diagnosed with a prolapsed bladder, this comes with a lot of other issues. I also met a new pain management doctor whom ordered MRI’s of my whole spine. Top to bottom. He squirted some stuff up my nose that gave me instant relief from my migraine, TMJ, and face pain. He wrote me a script for a very expensive RX then adjusted it to the one I’m on. My MRI showed significant changes since early 2023 🫣. My bladder has fallen half way down and is putting pressure on a lot of things including my spine. My back HURTS. 🙄. I’m getting my medial cluneal nerve block done on both sides on the 25th and more nose stuff on the 18? I also finally get to see the bladder doc on the 22nd. 

So I have been having horrid back pain that runs down the back of my legs. My job today was to drive 339 miles to pick up my son. For some reason I was seeing double, was spinning in my brain and was nauseated. I had trouble swallowing unless I drank something so I drank a lot of water. This made me stop at my best station about at the 1/2 way mark. I grabbed some Dramamine and took it to see if it would clear my vision. I waited, walking my dog and buying food from the bake sale to sponsor local jr high cheerleaders! I decided to start back on my journey.when I came up on Gainesville to get on 35, I was not feeling right. But I decided to try. What’s 180 miles!? Yeah I didn’t make it. By the time I passed the casino my left arm gave up on life. It went to sleep. I was finding the wake up bumps way too often and one car looked like two side by side. I exited at Ardmore and walked myself and ny dog in and almost passed out. They were quick to call the ambulance. My dog got to go with me as I could not leave him in the truck and my dad Ken was an hour and 23=minutes north of me.

Luckily he is smart and tuned into my discomfort instantly.the held his leash for my risky scans with contact that I am allergic too. Like I have an epi pen allergic…the dosed me with Benadryl and steroids before the another round after. At this point, Ken, Gramps and Kolton had arrived.they were able to get my truck, child and Duke back to OKC.

Thank you Lord. They are keeping me for stroke watch.i will have a brain MRI in the am then go from there. My last brain imaging was the week before my hip surgery in JULY 2023. I had “bright spots” a symbol of cluster or complex migraines. I was kept for two nights and sent home.being this far from home and mom’s home has me concerned.luckily I was planning to stay a night in OKC so I have a lot of my stuff. Sadly, my kid has sports on Monday.i have no idea how this will all play out. I don’t need to focus on that right now.in fact, I should be sleeping but my back is killing me and the doct wont order me anything. Why? Because he doesn’t know what’s going on. It’s complicated.likely the bladder is putting pressure on my spine and everything else ( im Constipated) So iamgivibg it go God!

 

It’s All In The Raising…

 Here I am. 45. Married. Raising a 13yo boy in 2024. Y’all, it’s so different from when I was 13! They have little computers in their pockets that can access the world. I didn’t want to get him a phone. But with playing four sports and having after school activities, I decided he could have an iPhone. It’s not a new. But with Apple, I have controls. Two of the biggest issues I’m having are with Google and YouTube. Neither have a filter for 13yo boys if you know what I mean. I can’t lock his login under a specific gmail account that I can lock to keep him off explicit content. I’m over it. I just dumbed his phone down to 9+ for age which doesn’t allow YouTube. I blocked it too. He is blocked from Google. For school, he needs access to Google and he can ask for it. I get the notification immediately and if at school, approve. It’s hard y’all.

Another thing I did was look up websites that mom’s need to block. It was easy to copy those sites to my note pad then input them into his blocked content. Even if you have their music rated for “non explicit”, it will still let him watch rap videos that are explicit 🙄. Yes, it’s a pick your battles situation, but we HAVE TO PROTECT OUR CHILDREN! Does it require work on my end? Absolutely. Did I try bark? Yes and it was expensive and also eliminated some things but let others slip by. It is a good idea but didn’t work for me. So I will continue to roll my eyes when he asks for more time for something or access to something else, but it’s worth it.

I also require him to turn his phone into me at night. It’s a MUST. Yes, I do go through his history, photos etc. It’s my job! I read his texts (especially the deleted ones) to make sure we don’t have any other issues. I’d be fine with a flip phone but he had one and broke it on purpose two years ago. Apple Watch worked but gets no signal at school (my phone only gets one bar and my watch is only running off phone at school) so we did get him a phone. Parents, don’t give up. Don’t give them free range on the World Wide Web. There is so much crap out there! 

Another thing- podcasts. My son has begun to listen to them. So now I have to decide if Joe Rogan is ok or not. It’s not the cuss words that get me. It’s the sexual nature behind the cuss words (lots of rap songs) that really bother me. I give him some leeway on podcasts. But he doesn’t have social media AT ALL. No snap, IG, FB, TimTok, nothing. He can text. He can call. He can even FaceTime! 

Moral of this post. Wait as long as you can before giving your child a phone. Once you do, watch it like a mama bear! Restrict their time on it. Take it away at bed time. Growing up it was 9am-9pm for phone calls. Nothing wrong with that now. Pay attention to what they are consuming. You would be surprised at what they can access on YouTube and Google. 🫣 we need a browser like Google for kids. Where they can look things up for learning but not for other things. My kid even googled if chores are child abuse 😂. Anyhow, I hope this helps!

Why?

 Sometimes I really wonder why God gave me the desire and passion for working with horses yet my body just keeps falling apart. Frankly, I wish I could walk away from horses sometimes. Between the three total hip surgeries (1 in 2013 and 2 in 2023) and both shoulders being fixed, then the bulging discs in my back, I’m shocked my desire to work with these 1,200# animals hasn’t faded. 

Even my hands and feet hurt. Yet I’m taking time to type this out. Having the passion to work with horses is insane. Without them, I loose my desire to even move. With them, I lose my ability to move! How can I balance this out? I also find that most horse people have similar thoughts. Similar body trauma. Similar chronic pain. When do I not hurt? When I’m in the saddle. When do I hurt? The rest of the time. In fact, I’m so miserable right now that I’m praying to fall asleep. Chronic pain SUCKS.

Sure, I can change disciplines with the horses. I have decided that barrel racing is just too hard on my body to keep trying. I had my dream horse. I won the 1D. Lynx is now retired.i think it’s time for me to retire from that sport. So I can do something else. Problem is, it’s still riding horses. My soul needs my horses!!! 

As I lay in bed trying to figure out how to ease my pain right now, I’m already planning my next ride on Bob and what we need to work on to reach a goal. I’m thinking about my young horse, Whiskey, and when I will be healed enough from my TWO hip surgeries to ride him again. Am I insane? 

It's Happening...

 Yup, it's happening! I'm getting older! Next Tuesday I will be 45 🫣! Honestly, I don't feel that old and I don't feel like I look that old. However, having two hip surgeries in 2023 is really putting a hamper on my activities! So much to do, no way to get it done!

After my first hip surgery in 2013, after 14 weeks, I was back to riding and after about 20 weeks, I was pain free. My second hip surgery was after hitting the ground off of my young horse when I decided to teach him about spurs with some liquid courage. Needless to say, I didn't bounce. So I had surgery July 24, 2023. I was doing pretty good. They used cadaver tissue to create a new joint seal and I was non-weight bearing for 6 weeks. Well, week 7 I was cleaning and filling water troughs. I slipped in the mud and had to take an ambulance to the ER. I knew I messed it up. It took them a while to figure it out but they did. I ripped open the laparoscopic holes used for the July surgery to create one big hole in the outer socket. Surgery was done on 12/20/2023. This one is a bit harder to come back from due to the incision sight location. I have basically become a sloth. Pain meds don't do much for me. I took them for two weeks and then just put them away. My skin and muscles hurt to the touch. I wonder when I will be able to wear actual pants again 🤷🏼‍♀️? As of now, I'm a sweat pants gal!

In the past except 2022, 2023 I have gone barrel racing on my birthday. This year, I won't even be able to ride. 😕 But, in time, I will heal and I will be back in the saddle! I'm only going to be 45! I can bounce back... I think! God has a plan! I honestly don't think God would have given me the desire to ride if I was not meant to ride. I really wish they would let me do PT. Sadly, they won't. I have been doing PT at home (from memory) to keep my leg moving. At least I got rid of my pain in my ass! Now it's mostly on the side and top of my hip. I cannot wait to get to soak in my tub, drive, be more mobile and ride. However, I now realize I won't be able to play in the mud for at least 7 more weeks! It's flooded here! My sweet hubby has been pulling all my weight. 

For my 45th birthday, I don't know what I really want. I'm thinking Whiskey, my five year old gelding, will be more suited for cow work. I really would love a set of chaps, a cutting saddle and a new cowboy hat. Will I get those things? Probably not 😆 because that is a lot of money! I will get to go with my friend down to the Galveston area for a dog event and take my dog! That will be fun! She had always gone with me to the races, especially on my birthday weekend. It will be cool to spend her and my birthday together doing a sport she loves! Maybe my hubby will give me money to eat my weight in seafood! 

Anyhow, it's happening and you can't stop time! 2024 is going to be eventful. I just pray I can keep my body in one piece! 

Gen X Thoughts

 So I have been thinking about generation x aka my generation and why we are the way we are. Yeah, we grew up as latch key kids. But what changed for generation z? My son is a gen z (I think) and these are the differences I can think of right now!

First of all, my parents shipped me off to my grandparents house every summer. I'd spend two weeks with my mom's folks and weekends year round with my dad's side. I also was sent to camp for two weeks. When I wasn't doing those things, I was visiting other family or hanging out with friends. My grandparents were young enough to keep up with us! And they were part of the born during the Great Depression era. They were raised different. They knew how to pinch a penny to make it last. They let us play in the dirt. Grandma Z taught me so much about horses and life. Grandma W was all about showing me the touristy things then watching "the wheel" and she loved to do my nails! She taught me more girly stuff. While my parents were boomers, both worked and both wanted us to go off to college and be better off than they were, they really relied on their parents (my grandparents) to help and assist with raising us. 

So let's see the difference here. I didn't have my son until I was 10 days shy of 31. My mom had me at age 29, yet I'm the baby of 4. Of course my parents were hippies so they were pretty hard on their bodies before they settled and had kids. Then, I had my kid later in life so his grandparents just can't keep up. Also, my parents divorced when I graduated college. So my mom remarried but my dad did not. My husband's folks were a lot older than mine were when he was born. Sadly, his mom passed and his dad is in a senior center at age 88. What's my point? I didn't get to send my kid for weeks at a time to hang out with his grandparents. No, they could not keep up with him. Now that he is 13, he can go and basically help them out during the summer. But he didn't get that deep connection that I got when I was growing up. The fact is, he knows how to entertain himself because he is an only child. We are pretty strict parents and expect yes ma'am, no ma'am etc. Where did we get that from??? Oh man... my grandma would get after me if I ever said yeah etc. So would my parents but I spent more time with my grandma Z. She was mean! In a good way but she could give me a look and I knew! My son just has mom and dad with twice a year visits from his grandparents. 

So I think we, Gen X, got a lot from our elders. That is what helped form us into these independent, run some dirt on it, don't cry, hold your ground individuals. I have a feeling that my son's generation will be a lot like us except the electronics. My son is lucky that I have been a stay at home mom most all of his life. I raised him like I was raised and that was to think for himself. But, FAFO. If you don't know what that is, look it up. Will I send my kid to his grandparents this summer? Yup! He is 13 now. He doesn't have to be watched as much and can get out there and mow grass, fix fence, or just whatever they need help with when he is bored. I know that if he says he is bored around my parents, they will put his butt to work. Let's see how these kids turn out! I have faith in him! He won't be living at home at age 30.... he will have a job. He already has plans for after high school. I think we (gen z) are raising the next best generation! 💪🏻

Am I Feral?

 I keep seeing posts about the Feral Housewives.  Now I'm not sure if I fall in this category, but I have a feeling I do. When I met my husband, we were at a bar. We just magically met. I can say that my friends and I were celebrating a birthday of two of the girls in our group and I'm sure there was a pre-game. Of course we arrived early to said bar. Since the song was new, I provided the DJ with Kid Rock. Yeah. That was kinda interesting that I gave the DJ music 🫣! Anyhow, my friend Cinnamon and I would dance on the speakers for fun. Yeah, we were a little bit rowdy! But my husband was holding up the side rail on the dance floor sipping a beer while we were knocking them back. Come to find out, his friend group was there due to someone in my friend group. I don't know but I'd call that fate! I knew as soon as I saw him, I was in trouble. Let's just say I was playing single and didn't want another bum steer. But I saw him and that was that. We danced. I danced with another dude and that dude said something RUDE to me. Guess what? I kneed him where it hurts. I'm not sure if Jeff was aware or not, but I 100% stuck up for myself and defended his honor. Some how, some way, I managed to get the strong silent type to open up a little on the dance floor with me. That was it, I was hooked and 25 years later, I still find him sexy! 

Back to feral housewives....  One thing I noticed about my hubby over the years is that he tends to let me fight my own fights. I mean, sometimes he steps in but if someone disrespects me and I get up in their face, he doesn't step in. Especially if I'm in the right. It's usually when some dude does something disrespectful. I don't need him to step in. Oh no. I got this. Does that make me feral?

When I am home I tend to do my own thing. I'm not a girly girl. I prefer playing with horses and dogs over getting my nails done or shopping. 9:/10 I am in need of a mani/pedi but pshhh that's a waste of money! I get my hair cut about 6 times a year, maybe. But I keep the clothes washed, food on the table and my child inline. I brought home a random dog and 2 years later, we still have that dog. I managed to find a mini horse to be a companion for my other horse and my husband didn't tell me no. The only real things he tells me no on is--- driving the tractor, the zero turn and his other truck. Why? Because I think he knows if I had rights to the tractor, stuff would get done that he didn't agree too like an arena, building a pole barn, etc.... it's ok. I'm good. I need limits because sometimes I get neck deep in a project and then can't finish them due to my body quitting on me. So other than that and spending a lot of money, he doesn't give me hard limits. Am I feral? 

I just sit back and watch all these reels about the feral housewives and think... did he know I was feral before he married me? Surely he did. Being an independent, smart, get things done person is an attractive characteristic, right? 

Gen X

 Ok. So I hear a lot of folks talking about gen X. Well hello world! I am one! We lived off "where there is a will there is a way" "FAFO" "don't do it if you don't want to pay the consequences" and pretty much all the live it type stuff. We were not coddled. We were sent out to find the world. I made forts, caught squirrels, lit fires, got lost in the woods, rode my bike to places I wasn't supposed to ride it, lived by the street lamp rule, ate what was served or went hungry, earned my own money for things I wanted, and if I was presented with a person that wanted to fight, I knew not to throw the first punch but make sure I got the last one in. We are a whole different generation.

I'm not saying my boomer parents didn't love me. No. I'm saying they raised me to be independent. Y'all, I flew the coop one day after graduation. I left for a job working at a summer camp before college started in the fall. You see, I had horses. My folks were middle class. We didn't have fancy things. I grew up in garage sale clothes. If I wanted new things, I mowed yards and cleaned pools to get it. When I started driving, I didn't get a new car. I got the third handed down 1984 ram charger that my brother drove and had been stolen 3 times. You could roll the windows down with your fingers. It didn't have a radio. I had a boom box in the back seat. Cell phones? Yeah, that was for emergencies only! 25 cents to the minute! I had a pager and if my folks paged me, I better call back within five minutes or I was in trouble! Cell phone of pay phone. I was raised to be some one, some day. I was expected to go to college. We didn't have cable tv. I was only allowed 1 hour of tv a day. If I uttered the words "i'm bored" then I got put to work! I cleaned stalls to pay for my horse's board. I mowed lawns, cleaned pools, babysat, dog sitting, you name it! If there was away I could make money to pay for my horses, I'd do it. 

Looking back, I have to say that it was a great time to be alive. For real. My mom tried to kill me plenty of times. Mostly due to an eye roll. You just didn't have sass with your folks back in the day. The things I see these kids do to their parents make me want to shake them. 

I bring all this up because I'm not the category of gentle parenting that my older siblings were for their kids. Nope. I'm raising mine like I was raised. If he wants something, he has to earn it. If he gets sassy, he gets in trouble. He says ma'am. He is respectful. The bonus to living in this era, I can track him. Something my parents could not do or I would have never gotten away with half the crap I did as a kid. I'm not beating my child. Nope. I can give him a simple look and he KNOWS. The sad thing is, he doesn't have the ability to go stay with his grandparents during the summer. Oh my. My grandma, we'll both of them, set me straight. They just knew when I did something wrong. He is missing out on that aspect of growing up. But, he goes to church with friends. He loves his Christian camp. I think that really helps. 

It's so funny to me to watch the millennials with their kids..... I'm not sure how that generation will thrive. But gen x's kids, well, they will be fine. Does my 13 yo have a phone??  NO. Does he have a tv in his room? NO. Why not? Because I didn't, his dad didn't, and well.... it forces him to come out of that room! I'm super proud of my son. In fact, I just sent him out to feed horses. He said yes ma'am. No fuss. That is the way we roll. 

Now all y'all that look at us Gen X'ers not acting our age, y'all need to understand that we don't know our age. It's just a number. We were raised to be adults when we were little. I was balancing my parent's checkbooks when I was in junior high. I learned the value of a dollar. I learned what stupid does. I learned how to thrive without a pat on the back. We didn't get trophy's just for showing up. That gave us the opportunity to find pride in our job well done without outside congratulations. We thrived. Yes. That means we are a little messed up in our heads but dang it, we LIVE!!!!! I'd say we lived but I'm still alive!