My whole right leg

 So it’s true. At age 45 I got a hip replacement after 2 failed repairs. I did have a successful rebuild back in 2013, but getting bucked off caused me to go back under and try to get it fixed again. That surgeon was cocky and a jerk. He tried. He failed, he tried again then I fired him. I found a new hip surgeon and he managed to get me a new titanium right hip for Christmas 2024! 

Of course, there were struggles. Nothing is ever cut and dry when fixing the human body. It seems that being straight in my hip revealed my old pain in my right knee. Go figure. Something that had been brought to my attention in 1993. So my surgeon went in to fix that on October 23, 2025. What was just a clean up ended up being cleaning up the crazy, damaged cartilage in my knee then doing a lateral patella release! Yay! My knee needed that! Seriously! Since 1993!!!! Well, some might recall that on 9/19/25 I broke and tore my ankle. You heard me!!! Six weeks before my knee surgery, I fell and broke my ankle! Chip fracture with ATFL tear. My other surgeon, Weido, the ankle surgeon wanted my knee fixed first. Zarling fix that knee right up! 

You should know that I take a lot of medicine for inflammation and pain. Nothing narcotic. I have to quit these meds ten days before surgery. I did that for the knee and holy cow Batman. All my pain came crashing in. The broken ankle, yeah it hurt!!! Three days after surgery I went back on my daily meds because they work better than my narcotic meds. Well I’m back on restrictions. My whole body hurts now. Sigh. I’m on antibiotics and I feel like I have been hit by a train. It will be ok. Ankle surgery will happen 11/24. Literally, my whole right leg will have been fixed in aYEAR. We started with the hip, then knee and now ankle! I have torn tendons and tears in ligaments in my right ankle. I will be in a cast for 3 weeks, a boot for four then sling until it is released! 

Yeah surgery sucks but I’m fixing myself! Just praying that all goes well and heals well! 

Protect Your Peace.

 Listen. I’m about to turn 47. I have lived a lot of life! I have experienced the drama of being a teenager. The growth of being a college student. The wonder of starting a new job. The awe of marrying the love of my life and the miracle of giving birth! I’m now watching my child go through the same cycles! (Currently the teenage angst) I have learned that sometimes you have to walk away to protect your peace. Sometimes you have to stand strong to protect your sanity. Sometimes you have to bow your head to ask for forgiveness. All of these things are part of life. 

Being a mom, I want to be a good example of a sane person for my child. I’m not one to scream and shout. I am not one to pick fights. But I do have strong beliefs and opinions. Just because I don’t shout, yell, or fight does not mean I am not passionate about my beliefs. I feel like you can’t fix stupid. No one hears the yeller. Fighting does nothing but ruffle more feathers and sometimes silence speaks louder than any words spoke. In this day and age, texting has caused more issues than any words spoken. Why? There is no way to hear the tone of voice in a text. Well, unless you do all caps. All caps is a definite “anger” text. I have lost friends over a miss read text. 🧐 Maybe they were not real friends…..but still. Teaching your child how to communicate using words is so important. I remember the first time I told my kid to call his grandpa. He was about 7? He didn’t have a phone yet. He had zero phone skills! So I had to walk him through it. He still struggles to make phone calls. We have had many talks about using your voice to communicate as it’s the best way to get your feelings heard. In fact, he and I have had a lot of deep conversation in the car. He is a smart, passionate, intelligent child of God. 

So what happened to make me write this? 🫠 I’m lacking. I’m falling behind. I have not been clearly communicating and that is causing some friction. Not with the people in my house! Nope. With others. See, I have a lot going on with my body right now. I am healing up from my “lateral patella release” surgery (2 weeks today) on my right leg. I also got a new hip 11 months ago on the same side. And, I have a chip fracture and torn ATFL in my right ankle 🫣. Pain alters my personality. I HATE pain meds. I actually only took my post op meds for my knee from that Thursday until the following Monday. I don’t like how they make me feel (think hyperactive rage) of how they trash my digestive system. If I am being honest, they give me a fake feeling of being ok enough to do too much. And I did way too much in the last two weeks. I can’t blame the pain meds past that Monday. Nope. I blame the fall air! I managed to buy a new horse, clean out my trailer, and organize my barn during my supposed to be down time. My brain fog has gotten so bad. I can barely hold a conversation due to the thoughts of what I could be doing. Sorry friends, I am trying! 

Thank God for real friends. The ones that say “whoa, we can fight but not cut ties”. I am so used to people walking out of my life the second there is conflict. It’s from a long list of poor choices in friends. So thank you to the real ones that say “hey, it was a bad day, let’s move forward”. You know whom you are! I recently had a texting conversation with someone that made my brain hurt. It got so crazy that I had to stop and protect my peace. When someone gets you so hot over something simple, maybe it’s time to touch grass.literally.  I had made a simple request that somehow turned into feeling like I asked for this persons first born. I had to block them yesterday just to protect my peace. Did they know they were blocked? Not sure. Do I still need that thing? Yes I do. Can I carry on without it? Kinda? 👀 But things would be so much easier if this person would just send this thing to me. Does t cost a dime. Not their first born, just need this one thing. See, my brain cannot let it go. I’m to the point where I feel like this person could not be in my life and everything would be fine.

Lucky for me, I married a very grounded man. He is quick to bring me back to earth when I spin out. We all need  a person like this in our lives. If you don’t have one, find one! He will listen to what is going through my head and stop me from spiraling. My brain gets going so fast. Swirling all around a text message, that has zero emotion because it’s a TEXT, and he will just say “hold on, maybe they did not mean it the way you think they did”. God bless this man!  Sometimes, I just have to block them and go touch grass. No conversation is worth your sanity. Protect your peace. Another thing I do and need to do more is PRAY. God has not let me down yet! Everything that has been sent to me by God has been a blessing, a lesson, or a wake up call. 

All of this, this stuff we have, these people in our lives, our homes, pets, livestock, vehicles etc are all a blessing for one reason or another. Do not let anyone steal your PEACE! Remember, a lesson, blessing or a wake up call! Some folks are put in our life just so we can restore our faith in humanity. Some to teach you humility. Some to remind you how to love. Some because your soul needed them. It’s ok to walk away from people that are stealing your joy. Anyhow, thank you to all three of you that read my blog! I’d love to hear how this post made you feel! Comments are open! 

It’s Been A minute!

 I’m not even sure where I’m at right now mentally! I’m super excited that I found my next horse! Midnight Cashman might be a paint, but he is QH legacy racing bloodlines! He is very very big! 16.3hh at least! But he is very chill! I had a few days left before my knee surgery and was praying like crazy to either find one or wait until after Christmas to buy. The market was all over the place. I made a checklist of what I was looking for and shared to several groups! Cash’s mama sent me a private message with a picture, a price and a statement! She said “I think I have what you’re looking for!” I asked if he happened to be registered and BAM… holy smokes. This horse had almost everything! Top of the list is Mr. Jess Perry! I wish I could remember to do these blogs on my laptop so I can share pictures 🫣! Let me describe him! He is a bay! But he has four, above the knees, white legs. Long black tail. His mane is black until the shoulder and that is where the white flows! Almost looks like someone dropped a bucket of white paint on his shoulder! He has a blaze! A very pretty head but big! The closest horse I have seen size wise is Kidd Curry Jr. my student’s horse aka Kiddo! He is also chill and HUGE. Also a Mr. Jess Perry! Cashman is a 4yo! Of course only a few months left before turning five! He was broke by a well known, for good training, trainer in OK. His owners bought him for a summer project with several others! She was honest and kind! In fact, I love the family that I bought this horse from as they are just great folks! 

I mentioned that I’m all over the place at the moment. Did you remember that I have a chip fracture and torn ATL in my right ankle? Yeah, it worse and will have to be repaired soon. But I had knee surgery scheduled for today so the ankle is “praying that it heals” but it’s getting worse 🥴. My surgery was successful for my knee. Zarling “released my patella” and cleaned up some torn cartilage. It’s big swollen now and very painful. Very very painful! But so is my ankle. Same leg. So I guess I really need to use these crutches! Which means… no playing with horses! 

I’m down to just Lynx and Cash. Of course we have the mini donkey, Evie and Cinnamon the mini mare! So for ease of feeding, Lynx is in the big field with the donkey and Cashman is living with Cinnamon! We are getting some rain, FINALLY, so I think this will work best for a few weeks! Cashman managed to pop a splint his first week home so he needs about six weeks turnout! So that is perfect! The good news is, he rides great! And typical for my style of horse, gets lazy with time off! He isn’t spooky and doesn’t have a mean bone in his body (cough cough LYNX) so I am just smitten! 

I’m looking at several weeks off for the knee. The ankle is still a mystery. Planning to fix it before Christmas if all goes well. It took a beating in the last couple of weeks and I’m a bit worried that my simple fracture is now a good break. Hurts to move my toes and zero rotation. Again, if I could add pics…. 

My kiddo is doing amazing in school and football! They are all undefeated! (9th, JV, and V) so if they keep this up, they go to playoffs! We are 8 games in! I’m super proud of this team! He is still growing and I promise, when you hear his voice, it’s his! His grades are good and he still loves youth night at the church! 

Jeff seems to be taking things in stride! He was willing to help in the horse shopping but luckily he didn’t have to pitch in other than food and fuel! My friend, Marybeth, grabbed me up Sunday! We had an amazing trip to Antlers, OK, got some good Mexican food then found out the Voss family had a blow out so we kept going north to meet them with my new best friend! We actually passed them on this long stretch of road with zero exits 😳 But we found one and pulled off in front of the John Deere house! Overall, I was super happy to get to hang out with her! Totally my kinda friend! She commented that it’s not a real road trip until we have a few detours! Yup! Exactly how I feel! She also 100% approved of my boy! But after like 10 hours on the road, my knee and ankle were toast. My knee has been having these issues since 1993. Literally had the same procedure they wanted to do to me when I was 14. 

Monday was a weird day. I hesitate to say a bad day because I got to ride my new horse! Also I got to see my neighbors (good folks) and love on their new pup! I’m just going to leave the rest of Monday in the dust. I did walk 6.9 miles and my ankle basically said some cuss words. So it was a painful day but I got to ride my new horse and he did great! 

So now it’s Thursday evening. I just took my pain pill to get me through until 1am. I won’t be missing that pill. It rained some today and crazy rain tomorrow. I’m very blessed that Jeff got to take off work to care for me as crutches in mud just flat don’t work and I’m a bit needy! 

If you have time, I sure would appreciate some prayers! My lesson program 100% depends on my leg. So I’m going to be broke for a little while. So prayers would be great! I sure hope you smiled while ready my post today! Getting a new pony is always a blessing! 

What is going on?

 So much to think about, so little time. I will start by saying, I’m on a “fix it” journey with my body right now! It all started with what “they” wanted to label as anxiety or panic attack. My doctor did a deep dive to figure out that I am hypoglycemic. Basically, my glucose likes to drop like a rock after I eat. It’s super fun. I managed to get some bloodwork done to find out I also have autoimmune type 1 diabetes. The good news is, no insulin yet! But down the rabbit hole we go! I have known, since my 20’s, that I had an autoimmune disease. In my 20’s they said RA. I took enbrel and I felt better! When it came time for us to try to get pregnant, I had to get off that medication as well as some others. But I had my diagnosis so I figured it would be easy to start back after my baby was born. I was WRONG.  In fact, I was told I do not have an autoimmune disease after I had my baby! I saw a Rheumatologist in 2011 and she ran all the tests, all the imaging and basically said I just have fibromyalgia and arthritis at age 31. Many surgeries and banged up joints later in 2015, I saw a different rheumatologist and he was a total jerk. He took x-rays and ran bloodwork to totally dismiss my concerns a month later. He said I have osteoarthritis and fibromyalgia (which he said fibromyalgia is mental and not real) and offered me zero relief. I have several doctors now. My ENT said i have shorjon’s syndrome and needed to see a rheumatologist but put me on a common medication for it that helps with my dry sinuses and all mucosal tissue. It has helped a lot but the immune system keeps flaring up! Well, I took the plunge and found a new rheumatologist today. He ordered imaging, MRI, as well as 7 vials of blood. He heard me loud and clear! He asked why I waited 10 years to go back and I told him that I was tired of the door being closed in my face. I also told him that enbrel worked for me. I was given a month supply of enbrel and promised answers in two weeks! Bonus, it will be a phone call! I think I will feel better having a label for what is going on with me.

About two weeks ago, I fell off the wheel well of my horse trailer trying to drop down my drop down windows. I heard a pop. I landed on my right ankle and it was BAD. I heard and felt something pop. Well, I finally made it to ortho yesterday. The ER said it’s just a sprain. Ortho took several x-rays and found the break! I have been walking around with just a sleeve or a light brace for two weeks with a broken ankle! No wonder it keeps blowing up! I have a chip fracture on my medial malleolus. Basically I ruptured a tendon at the bone and it broke a corner off the bone in the joint on the inside of my ankle. The x-ray was plain as day. 😣🧐🫣 But the ER missed it! Now I’m in a boot to walk, lace up stabilizer brace to drive and when I’m not walking. I have an MRI scheduled tomorrow to see what else I did to it! I have never broken a bone! I have been told “ you might have cracked ribs but we don’t see anything” same with my toe. But never a truly broken bone. So when this happened, I knew. It was a totally new feeling and HURT LIKE HELL! I’m sure it will heal fine. I’m also having a bone spur removed from the underside of my patella in my right knee in October! So I’m praying no surgery on the ankle!

Then….something new happened. About three weeks ago, the crest of my left hip started screaming! It got worse every day! Now it’s to the point of burning on my upper thigh. My orthopedic doc says that is my sciatica. Really!? Geez! It hurts like fire! I will as my physical therapist about some stretches tomorrow after my first round of MRI’s on my ankle. 🫣

Saying all this makes me question my addiction to horses! The only place I do not feel pain is when I’m riding. 🫤 There is no way I will give up my horses! My new hip has settled! I want to ride! But I have a broken ankle 😒 Perhaps I can just ride without a stirrup? 

Anyhow, I’m just a 46 year old train wreck that is addicted to 1200 pound animals whom might hurt me if they wanted too!

So where do I go next? I think that once a diagnosis is given from the Rhematologist, and insight from the endocrinologist as well as having my knee fixed and my ankle healed, I will be ready to ride again! In the mean time, I shall be my child’s uber, a slave to my four legged kids and still a riding coach! 💪🏼 

Summer 2025

 Hello world! Wow, I can’t believe it’s summer of 2025! That means I graduated with my masters degree TWENTY YEARS AGO! WTH? I’m not that old! Then my child was telling me that in six months he will have his permit to drive so he can drive me around in the dark. Holy cow! My baby will be 15 in six months! What is going on? How is time moving faster yet the days seem to drag? I guess this is my new normal? I will be married for 18 years in September! Jeff and I have been together for 26 years! Y'all, that is now more than half my existence on this earth! Time is just flat flying! We are even talking about where to live when we retire! In fact, we are taking about what we will do when our kid goes off to college. I’m not ready! Slow down! 

In this chapter of my life, I am, once again, trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I had the same feeling 20 years ago. All I knew that I was 100% in love with my now husband. I knew I had two horses, two dogs and needed to do something. I snatched a job working in research at Texas A&M School of Veterinary Medicine. I only made $13 an hour but it was enough to live on alone. I was stuck. I should have taken some education classes to become a certified teacher. But, I was out of school money and wasn’t sure what I really wanted out of life. Well, except to get married, keep riding and keep my dogs happy! A year later, I jumped ship, moved to Pineland, TX with all of my four legged kids to move forward with our relationship. Little did I know, that was exactly what I needed to do. We bought a house on land. We got married. We had a lot of horses! I barrel raced. I worked part time and I finally got pregnant! When our boy was born, we moved up to East of Dallas area because Jeff took a job in Dallas! It was crazy! Moving with a six week old baby, 2dogs, six horses and all of our stuff! But it all worked out. I quickly got down to 3 horses and we quickly found a home to buy. In fact, we are coming up on living in our home for 14 years!!! Time has flown by! 

Recently, we have decided it’s time for a shop/barn. I have been dreaming of having a barn since we moved here. A real barn with stalls, a tack/feed room and a breezeway where I can play pretty pony, clean tack, or just sit and stare at my horse while my dogs play in the dirt. I think it’s fixing to happen!!!! I’m stoked!!! No, my horses won’t live in stalls but I can bring them up when I want or need and I will be able to take better care of them. For example- Bob is having issues with morning grass. Dew poisoning of sorts. I will be able to keep him up during the dewy hours and let those ankles stay dry! Lynx is always hurting himself. Now I will have a stall to put him in so he can heal! Have lessons? I can stall up the horse I plan to use and spend more time with my students discussing how to groom and saddle without standing in the sun!!! It will be epic! 

I’m still not barrel racing. I did jump ride a mare for a student last weekend and remembered why I am not barrel racing. I need to learn how to get along with my new titanium hip! I still enjoy riding but it is not a priority at the moment. Honestly, I feel like jerking shoes off the horses and just letting them be. But Bob has arthritis in his front feet and Lynx has his injury so I can’t do it. Bob still loves me. I don’t ask him for much. He hates to lope. No big deal! His long trot is amazing! Lynx wants to lope but it makes him sore. I try not to ride Lynx as when I do, he wants to workout! So horses are still a big part of my life. Just not the main event.

Then we have Duke! Duke is the Australian Cattle Dog that we adopted from the streets of our small town last year! He was about 9-10 weeks old when we got him. (Totally guessing as he still had shark teeth) This dog is everything I want rolled into one! I swear that my first heeler, Ruger, and my last heeler, Gauge, got together in Heaven and discussed what they wanted to send me to make me happy! Duke fetches like Ruger! Loves the ball! Will play fetch for hours! He swims like Ruger too! If there is water, he is in the water! He wants to be with me 24/7. Both Ruger and Gauge were with me all the time! He loves riding in the truck! Ruger was always down for a road trip! Gauge was great in the truck but more because she got to go with me. She was about the destination not the travel. Duke is just down for whatever we are doing together! He actually loves baths. I think that was more Ruger than Gauge! He loves people! Way more Gauge than Ruger. Gauge would tolerate anyone that I tolerated. Ruger was way more judgmental. He would bite one out of ten. But he had a reason for it. That one was usually aggressive towards me. He was a protector. Duke is a protector but does more things like blocking me from negative people/pets/objects. He is 100% chill. Totally like Gauge. She didn’t get rowdy about much of anything except loading up! He asserts his dominance over the other dogs with a look or body language. That was Gauge. Ruger would just take the other dog down. He tells me what he needs. If the door is closed and he needs out, he will rack the spring on the door. Gauge did that! I didn’t train either to do it!!! Ruger was more of a bark at mom kinda fella. So I have the perfect dog! The only thing I wish was different, I wish he would stay in bed when daddy isn’t home. Gauge would. Ruger would only stay in bed until I fell asleep then he was on the floor. I’m sure it was to keep an ear out for stranger danger. Gauge knew that I wanted cuddles. She would not be “on me” but she would lay at my feet. But only if daddy wasn’t there. If he was, she would stay until he came to bed. Duke will stay until I kill the lamp and tv. 

So this dog has opened some new doors for me. We compete! We do dock diving, fast cat, frisbee… I’m sure we will do more things as he gets older! I’m just not sure what to try next. He doesn’t like agility but I don’t either as I can’t run lol! We did get invited to a frisbee club called bite club! I think we will look into it! 

Then we have my human child! He is all over the place with sports and school! I swear he signs up for every sports opportunity he can! That is why I have to manage my expectations for the dog sports. I want to be there to cheer on my kid! I’m super proud of him! I love football! Not a fan of basketball. I do love watching him run track and do the high jump! And of course, baseball! But I think football is my favorite! 

So my current dilemma is… what am I doing? Before I could say “I am a mom, wife and barrel racer”… I can’t say what I am now except mom and wife. And that is ok! I love those two titles! Perhaps, once we are empty nesters, I can get into breeding dogs? Horses? Idk. Time will tell! I’d love to have a kennel of well bred pups! Jeff might go crazy though! He doesn’t like having more than one dog. We shall see! Right now I’m working on swimming Duke to build his skills. Slick, my corgi, Aussie mix still has zero idea about fetch. He is more of the annoying little brother type. Cole, the shelter heeler is for sure not one to play fetch as he gets stupid excited and bites the hand that throws the toy. It hurts and I can’t afford to hurt anymore! But Duke can do it all!

Check back in a few months and see what I find out about myself as my lesson program grows and my dog skills become a priority!

Who Am I?

 Life is so weird. You go through it an change so much year by year. Your identity is created by how others perceive you and how you present yourself. I have gone through so many stages of my life where I just knew who I am. But things change.

There are a few identifying factors that are a permeant part of my identity. I’m a wife, mom, daughter, niece, aunt, and cousin. All of these factors have been a huge part of my personality. Let’s break down my stages.

As a young child, I was adventurous, tomboy type that preferred to get muddy than dress up. I did play with Barbie’s. I had Breyer horses and a stable! I have always loved horses! I spent my weekends with my grandma at the ranch. Building fences, mowing grass, playing with the horses and riding four wheelers! So many amazing memories with my Grandma Zanek! Up until about 7th grade, I’d also go to my Grandma Whittle’s house in OKC for several weeks! We would always watch the wheel! We also did the typical stuff like go to the zoo, the science museum, and the horse race track! Super fun! And both grandparents had cable! Something we didn’t have at home. So in the down time, I got to watch Nickelodeon! Both of my grandma’s were strong women whom kept up with the home and took care of my grandpas. My mom’s mom was more into making me more girly! She loved to paint my nails and do my hair. She would dress me up and we would also do things like aerobics and get our hair done. Wasn’t really my thing but I loved it! Grandma Zanek was all about teaching me to be strong both in mind and body. She wanted me to be independent, strong in my beliefs, and respectful. She strongly believed that I could be whom ever I wanted to be! Even if that was a gerbil raising weird kid that loved to swim and play in the mud. Yes, I raised gerbils and sold the babies to the local pet store! I even created some really cool colors of gerbils by mixing them. Highly sought after colors brought big money for a 10yo!  At one point I had 10 breeders and 24 individual critters. I was playing with genetics before I even knew what genetics really were! Super fun!

My next chapter began around 8th grade. Now keep in mind that I always went to Girl Scout or YMCA camp during the summers and always went to the ones that had horses! I even went to a camp for kids with seizure disorders (I had a type of seizure disorder that I outgrew) and helped out with their horseback program. Then, grandma z got me into English riding lessons! This was a life changing experience for me! Once into the equestrian world, I was hooked. Yes we had horses at the ranch I could ride but taking actual lessons with a group was so much more’ I was blessed to have a mom that was home to get me to my lessons weekly! I could have gotten into jumping but we didn’t own a horse and leasing one was not in the budget. So I didn’t really get to show. I learned a lot. Future me really put what I learned into working practice! Christmas of 8th grade, my parents gifted me with my first horse! He was broke western and a short dude so no way could he be at the English barn. He was also an Appaloosa. He was boarded in Houston at a very western barn! They had bull riding on Saturday nights and barrel racing on Wednesday nights! There was a wonderful group of ladies that gave us free lessons in barrel racing and I cannot thank them enough! I’m one that soaks up knowledge like a sponge! I also learned about making money to pay for my horse’s upkeep and competitions. I mowed yards, house sat for the neighbors, cleaned pools, and cleaned stalls! Of course I got in trouble for going to a payday with another family while my folks were in Vegas. But, those folks took me in like their kid! Doug and Amy became fast friends with my family and soon, they were hauling me to playdays and to team penning! We had so much fun! Doug was a Harris county sheriff deputy! We even went on an over night trail ride! I got in trouble again for going out to ride and not making it back to the barn before dark (whoops) and this was before we all had cell phones! My folks ended up moving me from that stable in the bad part of Houston (near Remington park horse track and beltway 8) to a private facility in Tomball. There was a couple of teens around my age that boarded there but nothing like Harmon stables where we had two arenas and a covered 100’ round pen. Nope, this was a small barn with turn out and a tilled up sandy spot to ride. It was closer to the payday arena, Suburban Ranches Riding Club , where I won my first saddle and lots of cool stuff! Being a smaller facility helped me move into my next chapter of life!

My sophomore year I got my first show lamb. I was lucky to have a spot at my stable to keep my lamb. I also gained another horse, Gypsy, as one to train and sell. Dad always said TJ (my Appaloosa) was the only horse he would ever give me. All the rest were projects. So during this chapter, I was the ag kid that barrel raced and competed in high school rodeo! It was a fun time! I even competed 4 years in the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo ApHC shows on my appy! My Senior year, I showed in the AQHA show at HLS&R. It was so much fun! My teacher wrote it off as a school related field trip! I was so busy! I did everything I could sign up for in FFA and was competitive in barrel racing and poles! I had a boyfriend too. But honestly, that was just expected of me to date in high school. I was so busy with my animals, I really didn’t care much for dating. Then I graduated. 

The day after I walked across the stage to graduate from high school, I left to be a camp wrangler at a YMCA camp in Trinity, TX. We were not only camp counselors, but also in charge of the camp herd. Probably one of the most taxing yet rewarding jobs I have ever had. Watching kids from the city meet, brush, love on and ride horses for the first time was enchanting. Their smiles. How they softened when around the horses. All of it. Magical! Probably why I love giving riding lessons! I even got to bring my own horse. TJ loved being trail boss! I did some work like this in high school at Hammond Ranch in the hill country but I didn’t get paid. I just got to go to camp for free! Anyhow, it really helped me find my feet. My grandma z was so happy with the path I chose! After all, the horses she had at the ranch were from campfire girls horse camp! She took care of a few horses during the off season. Then when they closed, the horses hit stayed. The only thing she didn’t like was the boy I chose to date. But who doesn’t date that guy? The one no one approves of? After camp was over, I moved into my dorm at Sam Houston State University! My goal was 2 years at SHSU then transfer to Texas A&M! And that is exactly what I did! Sadly, I lost my Grandma Zanek going into my second year at SHSU. She didn’t get to see me transfer to her school of choice for me nor graduate from there. But I do believe she did smile down from Heaven when I did! Anyhow, SHSU gave me a totally new personality? Perspective? Growth? Not really sure how to describe it. I learned to live on my own. I boarded my horses at the school barn (indoor arena was a bonus) and kept going with College Rodeo. I wasn’t the best but I was good at seasoning the horses I rode! That was back when I bounced and was sticky! I learned from an amazing teacher about how to break colts. I really enjoyed most of my classes other than math and history. I learned that one should schedule classes in a realistic way. We went out Thursdays so Friday AM classes were not for the faint of heart! Before college, I didn’t party. Seriously. I really didn’t do anything other than barrel race, show lambs and go camping with adults. A date here and there but my parents were pretty strict. Not in a bad way but we knew better. After all, I was the baby of four. So in college, I learned that I loved going out! I loved dancing! I loved hanging out with my friends! But I hated missing class! So I really got good at scheduling classes! One easy class, two classes that I would totally enjoy, and one hard class. 15-16 hours a semester. I had a lot of fun! Then it came time to transfer to TexasA&M. I had a 2.98GPA. Just shy of the 3.0 I needed to slide right in. I was devastated. I went to the animal science department and met Dr. Hesby (RIP) and he happened to know my grandma! How cool was that? Anyhow, he was happy to chat with me and said “well, looks like you need someone to click this button so you can sign up for Chemistry and Equine Reproduction this summer!” And that… is how I got into my favorite school, Texas A&M!

What a life change for me!!! I went from a smaller college where you can make it from one side to the other in 10 minutes to a HUGE campus where you might have to drive to your next class! I moved to the family ranch which was miles from the Animal Science building! My first summer was brutal! Chemistry kicked my butt! Equine Reproduction was a breeze and fun! Cowboy Chemistry almost killed my TAMU  gpa 🫣. But I passed with a C and and an A in my Equine Reproduction class and moved on! I learned so much! Lots of hands on courses! Of course there were some that I am glad I took during the summer because they took a lot more to make the A’s and B’s. I worked for a couple of veterinarians while taking classes. I also rented out my extra rooms at the ranch and boarded horses for extra money. It was so nice to have 450 acres to ride on DAILY! I think I rode more during those two years than I have in the last five. We still had fun on Thursday nights! Often we would gather at the ranch and play in the mud. Something’s never change! I made a lot of friends at TAMU. My other brother was also in school while I was there. Eric Whitlow was my brother’s best friend when we were in grade school. He loved to throw me in the pool and do all the brother stuff. He took me out during my first semester at TAMU and took care of me! He and his friends were always out when I was out with my girl friends and kept an eye on us. I can say I felt protected! My last semester, I only had 11 hours left to graduate. 7 of which ended half way through the semester. So I worked at a vet clinic to pay for more barrel racing! The pay wasn’t much but the experience was awesome! And yes, I did meet my husband in October of 1999. I’m so glad I didn’t ditch out on that birthday party! I can say, for me, it was love at first sight!  What did I learn from Texas A&M? Way more than I can type. But I did learn loyalty, compassion, strength, courage, and that I can literally do anything if I put my mind to it!!!

My first job after getting my Bachelors of Science in Animal Science was in Orange, TX as a County Extension Agent for 4-H! Gosh. That chapter of my life was a whirlwind. Not only did I work my butt off for little pay, I dealt with adult bullies, amazing kids, made some life long friends, and found out that I don’t want to live in Deep South East Texas ever again! The mosquitoes were the size of humming birds. Flooding was common. I did enjoy barrel racing! I also started an equestrian club for the 4-H’ers that had horses! I don’t want to talk about the negative. Let’s just say so things happened that sent me into a spiral causing me to quit and go back to school to get my Masters of Education in Agriculture. I worked for 2 years in Orange. Jeff and I stayed together through all of this time! I even bought Gabe the Baby as a yearling while living in the golden triangle! My identity was changed at this point. I was now an adult. I had to hold my ground often. I had to share the love between feed stores because I could not show bias. Lee Harris was one of my best friends and the one person that I knew I could call, day or night, for anything. Friends like Lee are hard to find! Now he is married with 3 boys? I think 3. My brain 😝 And since he is a legacy land owner in Orange County, they will always be there. I’m sure to make a visit soon! 

So after some crazy stuff, I went back to school. At this point I was a grown up. Went to bed at 10pm. Knew that class was way more important than hanging out. I did have a great group of barn friends! We rode a lot! I moved to a rental where I could have my horses in my back yard and made more friends! These are the ones I wish lived closer!!! I worked two jobs while working on my masters. My first job while working on my ME was working in the pee lab. You heard me! We tested race horse urine for drugs! Really cool job! I had to quit due to time. I also worked for tractor supply but due to an injured shoulder, I didn’t get to stay there. That is when I learned that life isn’t fair and just because the law says they can’t let you go due to a medical issue, doesn’t mean they won’t find a way. 😣 But God opened another door for me! I began to work for a small vet clinic with Dr. Bond! He was amazing! I learned so much about being a tech and about how to do the books. It really was my favorite job ever! In fact, once Kolton can drive himself, I will seek out another part time vet clinic job! I also worked for TEEKS grading papers. Most boring job EVER. But I had to pay bills and go to school so jobs that didn’t last past 6pm were best and ones that worked around my classes were better! I didn’t know what I wanted to do during this time. Jeff and I were still dating and I knew he was the “ONE”. So after graduating with a 3.89 GPA, I managed to snag a job working to the Texas A&M Veterinary School in the department of research. We were working on a project to discover the effects of alcohol on the brain during pregnancy (3rd trimester, binge drinking) with sheep! It was a neat job! Everyone I worked with went on to bigger better things! Dr. Tim Cudd published a lot of amazing articles on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome! Look it up! Well, after a year and a half of doing that work, I finally put in my two weeks and told Jeff to get ready as I’m moving in! He lived in Pineland, TX this whole time while we were dating. I was super worried that I was going to scare him off but I knew that I needed to make a change. I wanted to be with him. He is stubborn like me. So I knew I had to make the move. Yes, this is when I learned I have to be strong and believe in myself to make things happen! I legit quit my job and moved in with him into his tiny duplex! I arranged a place for my horses. I paid the deposit for the two dogs. I got a storage unit and BAM… I loved to Pineland Texas.

This is getting long so I think I will do a part two! 

New Perspective!

 I have noticed a change come over me in the last year. Almost exactly a year. Yes, the two hip surgeries in 2023 made 2024 tough as they didn’t fix anything. Then the replacement of my hip Dec 30, 2024 totally changed that issue. I’m still healing. What I noticed is a change in my process. My anxiety has gone way down. I might be sleeping weird due to my desire to sleep on my side and my new hip saying “no, back only”. However, I’m getting some sleep and when I wake up, I have things to do! No more dragging @$$ out of bed. I even switched from coffee to tea in the morning! I still enjoy a cup of good coffee but I find that hot tea with some local honey just has my energy up. 

My whole approach to life has changed. I don’t mind doing the dishes, laundry or even vacuuming. That is now something I do daily. I still hate to dust but I’m sure I will get there. I make my bed! What has come over me? 

Another thing I’m noticing is I’m enjoying things again. I smile a lot more! Watching my kid do his thing (today was track) made me so happy! He did great in the high jump and got second in hurdles and 4x4 relay! He hs back in baseball for the season as well! Heck, it doesn’t even bother me when I end up transporting 2-3 extra kids after practice. 

I’m also finding new things to do with the four legged kids. Duke and I joined up with a local disc group (frisbee) and we will start back with Dock Diving soon! I have been taking extra time with Duke. He goes to physical therapy with me. He feeds horses with me. We play a game of fetch daily now! Amazing how much more responsive he is to me when we spend one on one time together! I look forward to seeing what we can do this year! I can’t wait to let him try out fast cat! With my new disc group, I’m making dog friends! It’s so nice! They don’t judge me. Pretty laid back and all the dogs get a big play session before we do anything else! 

My thoughts with my horses have shifted. No need for speed. I’m down for easy rides. I have ridden Lynx once since my replacement (don’t tell the doctor) and it wasn’t bad! Of course I’m trying to pace myself so I don’t mess anything up. My knee is so angry that my hip is now where it needs to be. But it’s ok! I’m not even worried about it! If it hurts, I don’t do it. Simple! 

I’m sure that soon I will make a friend whom wants to do the dog stuff too and I will get to go on adventures again! My hip isn’t ready so I’m sure it’s all in God’s timing! 

I think that is what has changed. I stopped stressing over other people’s opinions on what I do or how I do it and started learning again. I opened myself back up to learning. God has always been a huge part of my heart and soul. But, being in a state of “what will they say about me” really impacted my thoughts. Now that I have found myself again, I’m totally looking forward to finding out all the things I can do now! Duke and I will be playing in dog sports! Bob, Lynx and Whiskey will eventually get to go play with cows! Maybe some trail riding in the fall! I will be making more time to spend watching my kid play ALL the sports! 

The moral of this story is, stop letting those intrusive thoughts control your life. Give yourself a chance to learn new things. Be open to new opportunities! You never know what God is working on in your life!