Why?

 Sometimes I really wonder why God gave me the desire and passion for working with horses yet my body just keeps falling apart. Frankly, I wish I could walk away from horses sometimes. Between the three total hip surgeries (1 in 2013 and 2 in 2023) and both shoulders being fixed, then the bulging discs in my back, I’m shocked my desire to work with these 1,200# animals hasn’t faded. 

Even my hands and feet hurt. Yet I’m taking time to type this out. Having the passion to work with horses is insane. Without them, I loose my desire to even move. With them, I lose my ability to move! How can I balance this out? I also find that most horse people have similar thoughts. Similar body trauma. Similar chronic pain. When do I not hurt? When I’m in the saddle. When do I hurt? The rest of the time. In fact, I’m so miserable right now that I’m praying to fall asleep. Chronic pain SUCKS.

Sure, I can change disciplines with the horses. I have decided that barrel racing is just too hard on my body to keep trying. I had my dream horse. I won the 1D. Lynx is now retired.i think it’s time for me to retire from that sport. So I can do something else. Problem is, it’s still riding horses. My soul needs my horses!!! 

As I lay in bed trying to figure out how to ease my pain right now, I’m already planning my next ride on Bob and what we need to work on to reach a goal. I’m thinking about my young horse, Whiskey, and when I will be healed enough from my TWO hip surgeries to ride him again. Am I insane? 

It's Happening...

 Yup, it's happening! I'm getting older! Next Tuesday I will be 45 🫣! Honestly, I don't feel that old and I don't feel like I look that old. However, having two hip surgeries in 2023 is really putting a hamper on my activities! So much to do, no way to get it done!

After my first hip surgery in 2013, after 14 weeks, I was back to riding and after about 20 weeks, I was pain free. My second hip surgery was after hitting the ground off of my young horse when I decided to teach him about spurs with some liquid courage. Needless to say, I didn't bounce. So I had surgery July 24, 2023. I was doing pretty good. They used cadaver tissue to create a new joint seal and I was non-weight bearing for 6 weeks. Well, week 7 I was cleaning and filling water troughs. I slipped in the mud and had to take an ambulance to the ER. I knew I messed it up. It took them a while to figure it out but they did. I ripped open the laparoscopic holes used for the July surgery to create one big hole in the outer socket. Surgery was done on 12/20/2023. This one is a bit harder to come back from due to the incision sight location. I have basically become a sloth. Pain meds don't do much for me. I took them for two weeks and then just put them away. My skin and muscles hurt to the touch. I wonder when I will be able to wear actual pants again 🤷🏼‍♀️? As of now, I'm a sweat pants gal!

In the past except 2022, 2023 I have gone barrel racing on my birthday. This year, I won't even be able to ride. 😕 But, in time, I will heal and I will be back in the saddle! I'm only going to be 45! I can bounce back... I think! God has a plan! I honestly don't think God would have given me the desire to ride if I was not meant to ride. I really wish they would let me do PT. Sadly, they won't. I have been doing PT at home (from memory) to keep my leg moving. At least I got rid of my pain in my ass! Now it's mostly on the side and top of my hip. I cannot wait to get to soak in my tub, drive, be more mobile and ride. However, I now realize I won't be able to play in the mud for at least 7 more weeks! It's flooded here! My sweet hubby has been pulling all my weight. 

For my 45th birthday, I don't know what I really want. I'm thinking Whiskey, my five year old gelding, will be more suited for cow work. I really would love a set of chaps, a cutting saddle and a new cowboy hat. Will I get those things? Probably not 😆 because that is a lot of money! I will get to go with my friend down to the Galveston area for a dog event and take my dog! That will be fun! She had always gone with me to the races, especially on my birthday weekend. It will be cool to spend her and my birthday together doing a sport she loves! Maybe my hubby will give me money to eat my weight in seafood! 

Anyhow, it's happening and you can't stop time! 2024 is going to be eventful. I just pray I can keep my body in one piece! 

Gen X Thoughts

 So I have been thinking about generation x aka my generation and why we are the way we are. Yeah, we grew up as latch key kids. But what changed for generation z? My son is a gen z (I think) and these are the differences I can think of right now!

First of all, my parents shipped me off to my grandparents house every summer. I'd spend two weeks with my mom's folks and weekends year round with my dad's side. I also was sent to camp for two weeks. When I wasn't doing those things, I was visiting other family or hanging out with friends. My grandparents were young enough to keep up with us! And they were part of the born during the Great Depression era. They were raised different. They knew how to pinch a penny to make it last. They let us play in the dirt. Grandma Z taught me so much about horses and life. Grandma W was all about showing me the touristy things then watching "the wheel" and she loved to do my nails! She taught me more girly stuff. While my parents were boomers, both worked and both wanted us to go off to college and be better off than they were, they really relied on their parents (my grandparents) to help and assist with raising us. 

So let's see the difference here. I didn't have my son until I was 10 days shy of 31. My mom had me at age 29, yet I'm the baby of 4. Of course my parents were hippies so they were pretty hard on their bodies before they settled and had kids. Then, I had my kid later in life so his grandparents just can't keep up. Also, my parents divorced when I graduated college. So my mom remarried but my dad did not. My husband's folks were a lot older than mine were when he was born. Sadly, his mom passed and his dad is in a senior center at age 88. What's my point? I didn't get to send my kid for weeks at a time to hang out with his grandparents. No, they could not keep up with him. Now that he is 13, he can go and basically help them out during the summer. But he didn't get that deep connection that I got when I was growing up. The fact is, he knows how to entertain himself because he is an only child. We are pretty strict parents and expect yes ma'am, no ma'am etc. Where did we get that from??? Oh man... my grandma would get after me if I ever said yeah etc. So would my parents but I spent more time with my grandma Z. She was mean! In a good way but she could give me a look and I knew! My son just has mom and dad with twice a year visits from his grandparents. 

So I think we, Gen X, got a lot from our elders. That is what helped form us into these independent, run some dirt on it, don't cry, hold your ground individuals. I have a feeling that my son's generation will be a lot like us except the electronics. My son is lucky that I have been a stay at home mom most all of his life. I raised him like I was raised and that was to think for himself. But, FAFO. If you don't know what that is, look it up. Will I send my kid to his grandparents this summer? Yup! He is 13 now. He doesn't have to be watched as much and can get out there and mow grass, fix fence, or just whatever they need help with when he is bored. I know that if he says he is bored around my parents, they will put his butt to work. Let's see how these kids turn out! I have faith in him! He won't be living at home at age 30.... he will have a job. He already has plans for after high school. I think we (gen z) are raising the next best generation! 💪🏻

Am I Feral?

 I keep seeing posts about the Feral Housewives.  Now I'm not sure if I fall in this category, but I have a feeling I do. When I met my husband, we were at a bar. We just magically met. I can say that my friends and I were celebrating a birthday of two of the girls in our group and I'm sure there was a pre-game. Of course we arrived early to said bar. Since the song was new, I provided the DJ with Kid Rock. Yeah. That was kinda interesting that I gave the DJ music 🫣! Anyhow, my friend Cinnamon and I would dance on the speakers for fun. Yeah, we were a little bit rowdy! But my husband was holding up the side rail on the dance floor sipping a beer while we were knocking them back. Come to find out, his friend group was there due to someone in my friend group. I don't know but I'd call that fate! I knew as soon as I saw him, I was in trouble. Let's just say I was playing single and didn't want another bum steer. But I saw him and that was that. We danced. I danced with another dude and that dude said something RUDE to me. Guess what? I kneed him where it hurts. I'm not sure if Jeff was aware or not, but I 100% stuck up for myself and defended his honor. Some how, some way, I managed to get the strong silent type to open up a little on the dance floor with me. That was it, I was hooked and 25 years later, I still find him sexy! 

Back to feral housewives....  One thing I noticed about my hubby over the years is that he tends to let me fight my own fights. I mean, sometimes he steps in but if someone disrespects me and I get up in their face, he doesn't step in. Especially if I'm in the right. It's usually when some dude does something disrespectful. I don't need him to step in. Oh no. I got this. Does that make me feral?

When I am home I tend to do my own thing. I'm not a girly girl. I prefer playing with horses and dogs over getting my nails done or shopping. 9:/10 I am in need of a mani/pedi but pshhh that's a waste of money! I get my hair cut about 6 times a year, maybe. But I keep the clothes washed, food on the table and my child inline. I brought home a random dog and 2 years later, we still have that dog. I managed to find a mini horse to be a companion for my other horse and my husband didn't tell me no. The only real things he tells me no on is--- driving the tractor, the zero turn and his other truck. Why? Because I think he knows if I had rights to the tractor, stuff would get done that he didn't agree too like an arena, building a pole barn, etc.... it's ok. I'm good. I need limits because sometimes I get neck deep in a project and then can't finish them due to my body quitting on me. So other than that and spending a lot of money, he doesn't give me hard limits. Am I feral? 

I just sit back and watch all these reels about the feral housewives and think... did he know I was feral before he married me? Surely he did. Being an independent, smart, get things done person is an attractive characteristic, right? 

Gen X

 Ok. So I hear a lot of folks talking about gen X. Well hello world! I am one! We lived off "where there is a will there is a way" "FAFO" "don't do it if you don't want to pay the consequences" and pretty much all the live it type stuff. We were not coddled. We were sent out to find the world. I made forts, caught squirrels, lit fires, got lost in the woods, rode my bike to places I wasn't supposed to ride it, lived by the street lamp rule, ate what was served or went hungry, earned my own money for things I wanted, and if I was presented with a person that wanted to fight, I knew not to throw the first punch but make sure I got the last one in. We are a whole different generation.

I'm not saying my boomer parents didn't love me. No. I'm saying they raised me to be independent. Y'all, I flew the coop one day after graduation. I left for a job working at a summer camp before college started in the fall. You see, I had horses. My folks were middle class. We didn't have fancy things. I grew up in garage sale clothes. If I wanted new things, I mowed yards and cleaned pools to get it. When I started driving, I didn't get a new car. I got the third handed down 1984 ram charger that my brother drove and had been stolen 3 times. You could roll the windows down with your fingers. It didn't have a radio. I had a boom box in the back seat. Cell phones? Yeah, that was for emergencies only! 25 cents to the minute! I had a pager and if my folks paged me, I better call back within five minutes or I was in trouble! Cell phone of pay phone. I was raised to be some one, some day. I was expected to go to college. We didn't have cable tv. I was only allowed 1 hour of tv a day. If I uttered the words "i'm bored" then I got put to work! I cleaned stalls to pay for my horse's board. I mowed lawns, cleaned pools, babysat, dog sitting, you name it! If there was away I could make money to pay for my horses, I'd do it. 

Looking back, I have to say that it was a great time to be alive. For real. My mom tried to kill me plenty of times. Mostly due to an eye roll. You just didn't have sass with your folks back in the day. The things I see these kids do to their parents make me want to shake them. 

I bring all this up because I'm not the category of gentle parenting that my older siblings were for their kids. Nope. I'm raising mine like I was raised. If he wants something, he has to earn it. If he gets sassy, he gets in trouble. He says ma'am. He is respectful. The bonus to living in this era, I can track him. Something my parents could not do or I would have never gotten away with half the crap I did as a kid. I'm not beating my child. Nope. I can give him a simple look and he KNOWS. The sad thing is, he doesn't have the ability to go stay with his grandparents during the summer. Oh my. My grandma, we'll both of them, set me straight. They just knew when I did something wrong. He is missing out on that aspect of growing up. But, he goes to church with friends. He loves his Christian camp. I think that really helps. 

It's so funny to me to watch the millennials with their kids..... I'm not sure how that generation will thrive. But gen x's kids, well, they will be fine. Does my 13 yo have a phone??  NO. Does he have a tv in his room? NO. Why not? Because I didn't, his dad didn't, and well.... it forces him to come out of that room! I'm super proud of my son. In fact, I just sent him out to feed horses. He said yes ma'am. No fuss. That is the way we roll. 

Now all y'all that look at us Gen X'ers not acting our age, y'all need to understand that we don't know our age. It's just a number. We were raised to be adults when we were little. I was balancing my parent's checkbooks when I was in junior high. I learned the value of a dollar. I learned what stupid does. I learned how to thrive without a pat on the back. We didn't get trophy's just for showing up. That gave us the opportunity to find pride in our job well done without outside congratulations. We thrived. Yes. That means we are a little messed up in our heads but dang it, we LIVE!!!!! I'd say we lived but I'm still alive! 

What is My Life?

 Im not really sure why I have just gotten so overwhelmed that i can't "do" anymore. It's weird. I don't like it. I read somewhere that if you suffered abuse as a child, you never learned how to relax. I don't want to go into details about my life in the past but this makes sense. If you grow up walking on eggshells trying to keep the peace, you have to learn that the egg shells are gone now. It's ok to walk barefoot. Its ok to stop hiding your emotions. To be honest, I have had anxiety most of my life. As far as I can remember. I used to be epileptic and had grandmal seizures. They would come to me when i was sleeping. Normally around 5 am. This stuck with me from the time i was around 5 until junior high. It was horrible. I would dream about losing control and wake up, feeling my body going into a seizure, and try to get down stairs to my mom. I never fell down the stairs that I remember. But that feeling still sticks in my brain. I still dream about it and I still wake up and feel like it will happen again. I think that my brain really thrives on control and normal. Unfortunately, that is not how I grew up. 

Yes, I know, this is my past. My brain no longer has seizures. It has been replaced with anxiety. I no longer have to deal with abuse. I have an amazing husband and my kid isn't so bad either. In fact, sometimes I really get down on myself for feeling anxious or depressed. Yall, I have a home, horses, a vehicle, love, dogs, cats, food to eat, and I can get a hug when I need one! That stuff was not listed in order of importance. Lately, well.......a lot......I have been sick, Allergies suck. Chronic pain sucks. I know that if I keep moving I will keep moving. A body in motion stays in motion. My issue is, I need to kick start the motion!!!! I also need to stop hyper fixating on what I didn't do yesterday and how I feel like I am failing at life. 

OK. This blog post is getting to sound like I am whining so let me flip the script! It's time to enjoy life. It's time to ride my young horse. It's time to quit giving myself a reason to bury my head in my pillow. I have stuff to do. I can rest at the end of the day like a normal human. If I really want my barrel racing identity back, then I need to get my young horse ridden so he can move forward. If i'm tired of the laundry pile, I need to put it away. If the kitchen sink is full, I need to do the dishes. I need to STOP making excuses!!! I am 44 years old and I need to be better for myself. Not to prove to anyone that I am awesome. Nope. I need to do it for myself. 

With that being said. My colt is saddled. My laundry is washing. My dishes are washing. Time to build new habits! Sadly, my gym closed down. But I have a horse to ride. I have stuff to do. Time to rise and shine like my life depends on it! 

I'm Baaackkk

 It's been a while! But I feel like it's time to share some new things!!! I have been going through a lull in the last two years. Time to get back on track! First off, I'm taking part in loosing weight, getting fit and working towards my best self! Let's start with my supplements! Check out Lev-el products! I love the women's vitamins, apple pie shakes and the black DTF patches! 👉🏻 https://rmyers01.le-vel.com/

Next up, I joined a gym last fall! Rockin at Hardbodies in Terrell! I have had to miss some due to stupid body things like my bulging disc in my back and some sickness due to temperature swings and pollen. Y'all, my body hates winter/spring! However, after my back injection on Friday, and my new doctor sorting me out, I will be back at it next week!!!! So far I'm down about 13 pounds since January!

Lynx is still down and out. I can give a lesson a week on him but not much else. I do take the opportunity to get on him and lightly ride after I give the lesson. He is dealing with a core lesion in his deep digital flexor tendon on his right front and a smaller lesion on his front left. Barrel racing is out for my champion. It's ok. He will be ok. We just have to adjust our adventures! He is still my spoiled brat! 

My colt finally came home from the trainer. He basically has 60 days on him. It just took FOREVER to get that done. Not blaming the trainer! We have had some interesting weather, the trainer got really sick and Whiskey was on her back burner. He finally leveled out and leveled up! Now time for me to put in the time to polish him off! I plan to work on our relationship and see how far I can get with him. I do have a plan to send him to my friend Dee for 30 days. She is the one that put the first 90 on Lynx, polished Goose and Joe. She gets them soft in the face, working great off leg and gets the walk/trot pattern on them that STICKS! All three of the others she worked with ran the same pattern and I loved it! Whiskey wasn't slated for a barrel horse. Nope. I was actually thinking of doing cattle work or ranch versatility with him. However, he is BORED. He is fast. He is smart. I think that I might be able to do anything on him! He is about the size of Gabe the babe and about the same personality! Little lazy, athletic, wants to please but wants to make you work for it. I like him! Since he has been home (1week) I have gotten two rides on him! First was just round pen. Second was round pen and my "arena" aka front pasture! He did pretty darn good! We are working on verbal commands. He has already picked up shhhhh for turn, easy for transition down, walk, trot, lope, and whoa. Now to fine tune all of that and get him stopping on his hind end vs just stoping all four feet! Oh, and we are tuning on back. We had a rainy week with me having fever and back pain! So Friday I got my back injection at L5/S1. I plan to ride again Monday! 

The farrier came Friday. Whiskey, Lynx and Declan (the palomino I use for lessons) all got their pedicures. I'm sure they all appreciate it. Whiskey was over due and Declan needed his front shoes back on! Lynx gets gimpy when his toes get long. It's only been six weeks but the new green grass (thanks to the rain) has spurred up his growth! 

Next plan for Whiskey is to get him softened in his face. He likes to root a little bit. It's an easy fix. Im also going to add in more random stuff for him in the front pasture and try to figure out which of my five saddles works best on him! It's nice to have one to ride!!! Hopefully with my weight loss, strength training and over all improved wellness, I can get a regular schedule working with him! Well,  around the rain! Thank you Lord for the rain!

I have increased my number of students! I have one 9yo, a couple of 12 year olds, a 13 year old and one adult! Now if the weather will play nice, this means I can afford my equine habit! 

Update on my dogs because I feel like I never give updates on them. Baby girl aka Gauge is now 15! She is my red heeler! She is still going strong despite her congestive heart failure (over a year on meds) and her being deaf! She gets summit to keep her bad hips working for her! Yes, I still love summit for my horses and dogs and even have C4S capsules for myself! 👉🏻 www.eternapure.com/resbarrelracing

Slick the cow dog (my Auggie) is now 1.5 years old! Honestly, I can't believe he is finally fully house broke and a pretty darn good dog! Still loving the puppy life! Cole, my blue heeler that we adopted Christmas of 2019, is still very youthful and super happy to live with us! Gunther.. my ladox, is spoiled rotten at the ripe age of.. oh my... 11? 

My human child is now 12, weighing in over 100#, wearing size 14 pants and small men's shirts 🫣 and size 10 shoes... obviously is growing like a weed! We are going to finish sixth grade in honors classes with A's! He is playing baseball and has shown interest in basketball! He is the only one who brought home a nice buck from deer season! Honestly, I'm excited about watching him excel in baseball this year! Go Kaufman Heat!! 

My hubby, Jeff, is healthy and working hard as usual! He keeps everything moving around here! He just recently did a tree trim in the back pasture and the bushes in the front of the house got a good hatch job  (long over due). I'm sure he will start mowing this week! That man loves to mow!! We have been married for 15 years now and together for 23 🤯 How time flies! 

Well, that is my brain for the moment! Hopefully I can keep up with this blog more often!!! I also have a horse only blog at 👉🏻 www.resbarrelracing.com