Why Lord?

I just feel like everything keeps crumbling. I have shingles and have been out of work for two weeks. Before that we all had the stomach virus and then Kolton got dehydrated. Now Kolton has some painful rash that might be chicken pox. Very likely since I have shingles. I have no idea how I am going to stay down and get well while taking care of my son who is also sick and doesn't feel well at all. Jeff can't take time off either. I need to get work done. Honestly I have no idea how my life is going to come back up out of this black hole. I obviously need help but mom has never had chicken pox so I could literally kill her. My sister has two kiddos so she can't help either. Everyone has lives. My husband has assured me it will be ok but I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel like I need to be Locked away so I don't infect anyone and so I can't do anything but rest. But my son needs me too. Lord, please please please heal my family. I feel like some sort of crazy sick person that just cannot recover even though it has been viruses attacking all three of us. Lord, I ned to heal so that I can offer comfort and care for my child. Please help us figure some way for me to rest so I can heal and Kolton to still receive the love and care that he needs to get over what ever he has. He will be going to the doctor tomorrow. I need to go back to the doctor as well. I am just so stressed and saddened by all of this. I swear I do not wish to be SICK! How could anyone think that I want to be sick all the time? We are not always sick either. Just when we go down, it seems we all go down at once. Or one after the other. Lord please wrap your healing arms around us and make us well! We need to work to provide for our family. We need to be healthy to take care of our son. Please help me to rest. Please help both Kolton and I to fight our illnesses. AMEN.

Lost weight?

Ok everyone is asking so here ya go. I have been craving spinach salads. With feta cheese, mushrooms and avocado ( a whole one) and well I eat them. A lot. Lol. I also love the Adkins shakes. Normally I drink two of those and eat a salad a day. But I still eat a cheese burger! Lol. I drink Starbucks. Love the cinnamon dolce latte. Cinnamon is a natural fat burner but I just love the drink! I take one a day vitamins, one a day true biotics, and since I had my full hysterectomy I take estrogen and testosterone as well as aurmor for my thyroid. But the thyroid meds started after I dropped like 3 sizes. All my weight is leaving in my legs and butt. I still have a very large bust. Sigh. And the baby pooch. But soon enough I will be able to get back to riding my horse and doing my squats. I don't work out to the max by any means lol.
I feel like my ovaries and uterus had a lot to do with my weight gain. I think my hormones were all out of whack. But I feel better than I have in years. I just pray that the rest will fall away :-)

Keeping a cowgirl down is hard stuff!

Seriously! Can I get some tranquilizers over here? Shingles suck! I wake feeling OK, go to do anything..even just shower and BAM. FEEL LIKE I HAVE BEEN WHACKED IN THE HEAD WITH A 2x4! Yes, I do know first hand what that feels like for reference! So doc says "gotta rest, stay down, take it easy, don't do ANYTHING. WTF? Do you know how hard that is? At least when I had my hysterectomy I hurt so bad that I stayed down. But this crap, geesh. I feel ok then move around and WHACK! So here I sit. I took some of my bed time meds to try to get some "rest" meanwhile I keep thinking about cleaning, laundry, horses, dogs.....and WORK! I want to go back to work! But just driving to CVS makes my head throb! Grrrrr. So please, if you have some tranquilizers, send them my way. No need to slip them in my dinner, I will take them willingly if it will help me rest so I can go back to normal life!

Stop Saying That!

OK i am so sick of everyone saying "you guys are always sick" or " you catch everything" etc. Folks, we are no more sick than your normal family with a toddler in day care. Not to mention that I personally had 4 surgeries last year. NONE were "elective" and all were necessary!!! I did not wish my self sick. Nor did I say "I think I want a 5cm cyst on my ovary". So shut up! Yes, I too wish that when they went in there the first time that they had taken all of it. But they didnt so shut up! My son got diarrhea from some unknown bug and got really dehydrated last year. IT HAPPENS!!!!! And then the whole family got the stomach bug this year and he got dehydrated again! IT HAPPENS!!! And we all have bad sinuses. Well, with the weather going from 30 degrees to 80 then back down to 30 with in a 48 hour time span, yeah, its gonna make us a little snotty! And yeah, I have shingles at age 34. Well lets see....I am on hormone replacement therapy (like a 50yo), have lost my grandma, my great uncle, and dealt with a lot of other stuff not to mention getting a new job after not working since 2009....you could say I am a little stressed. Number one cause of Shingles, STRESS!!!!!!! IT HAPPENS!!!! With that all being said, we are all on Zyrtec, I am laying low and trying to keep my hormones at a happy balance via doctor and blood test and we are ALL taking daily vitamins and probiotics. We live in a nice new house so no, my house is not contaminated with mold. I clean it often too. My son is going to catch bugs at school. Its what happens when we take our children to daycare. I cannot stop that. I need to work so my son needs daycare. OK so my POINT IS please stop saying that we are always sick and that there must be something wrong with me. Please stop calling me a hypochondriac because my illnesses are not something I can make up you guys! Please stop saying "OMG you guys are sick again?" well f-u! Just because you read my FB page today and haven't done so since two months ago when we were all sick doesn't mean that we are always sick!!!!!!!!!! On a lighter note, well there isnt one right now. Because I am stuck at home dealing with Shingles praying my son doesn't catch chicken pox from me. He has been vaccinated for Chicken pox but who knows if that will protect him 100%. I want to go back to work. I want to go enjoy this weather and play with my horse and barrel race and do all the things that I love to do. But I cant and it is NOT because I dont want too! SO next time you want to say "OMG you are sick again?" remember that I am fixing to say FU!!!! Maybe this is just my pain meds typing but I DONT CARE. Appropriate comments when someone mentions that someone doesnt feel good are "sorry to hear that" "have you tried....", "we will be praying for you guys", "sure hope it doesnt spread", "get well soon".

Crazy? Hormonal? Train Wreck? All of the above? I think so....BUT...

So I started on some new hormones because my estrogen levels (since my surgery) were BELOW menopausal levels regardless of the hormone replacement meds I was was on. I was also on testosterone. Other than being so tired all I wanted to do was sleep, I was FINE! Actually, I felt great emotionally and was loosing weight! Who can argue with that? Well my doctor was way worried because my estrogen levels were so low so she traded my meds to something else. Yeah. No. I was a crazy hell bitch who would rather throw my sucker into the dirt and cry about it than anything else. I was only on this junk for two weeks. I knew something was horribly off. I was/am still tired. But add tired to hell bitch and well, that has been me for two weeks. Come to find out, my thyroid levels are low! So back to the HRT I was one regardless of the low estrogen (because really, I dont even have hot flashes even with low estrogen) and start up some thyroid meds! YAY! That means more energy, better metabolism and more weight loss! Bring it on! Anyhow, this has been my two weeks of hell and I am so happy to go back to being happy!

Shut Up!

So today I am wearing some new jeans. They are a size 28 waist (6/7) and that is down over 3 sizes since this summer. I still feel fat lol. Is that not crazy? I honestly have not lost that much weight. Maybe 20-30 pounds....actually if you count from a month after giving birth to Kolton, I have lost about 50 pounds all together. Seems like a whole lot. So why the heck do I still feel fat??? I decided it is a flaw in the mind of a woman. Thinking back, even when I was a whole 105 pounds I still felt FAT!!!! OMG I was like a 00!!! A tooth pick with boobs! So i better pull my head out of my ass and realize that I LOST 50 pounds.....thats a LOT. I need to stop saying "i just need to loose 20 more" because you know what, I am good the way I am! My jeans are comfy, my shirts fit better, my saddle even fits better!!! In fact, I was just saying how much room I have in my saddle now....So I am posting this blog today to say.....I weigh 156 pounds and wear a size 6 and I look fabulous! So, shut up brain! Time to wear shorts and maybe even a swim suit! Time to not feel so dang self conscious! For all you MEN out there, you better be telling your WOMEN that they look great! Even though you feel like you say it enough, say it again! We are really hard to convince! We have a voice in our head that says "just 20 more pounds"...and she never shuts up!