Not sure what to title this one.

So years ago, 2005, I was diagnosed with Juvenile Ruhamatoid arthritis. It was a daunting diagnosis. But it made sense. I went on medications and was doing better. In 2009, I had to quit my medications because we wanted to have a baby. And so flash forward to moving up near Dallas, Kolton was born and I needed to get back on my RA medications. I found what I thought was a good doctor, but she removed my diagnosis and didn’t put me back on meds. Well, I’m 40 now. I noticed a drastic change in my hands and feet as well as my allergies have been getting worse each year. I have always had horrible neck and back pain as well as my hips. My feet ache all the time. And now my hands are super sore. I visited my yearly doctor and she pointed out that I need to go find a new Ruhmatologist ASAP. I now meet 99% of the criteria for the disease. I’m still mad as hell that they removed my diagnosis in 2011. Now I have damage that is irreversible. But alas, I still keep moving. It’s time. It’s time to find a new doctor and get back on the hella expensive medications to manage this disease. It’s frustrating. I would go in for pain here and there but no one puts it all together. So I shall find a new doc, make a list and move forward. Many people ask why I don’t teach in a classroom setting. It’s because my body likes to take revenge when I have a job. Coaching lessons allows me to work at my own pace. Same with cleaning saddles and selling stuff. I can rest when needed. I can take medication when needed. I can set up a schedule that doesn’t overwhelm me. RA is one of the suffer in silence diseases. If I voiced about my pain, people would call me a hypochondriac. Instead of helping, they make me want to not talk about it. Tell me I need to cowgirl up. Telling me I need to ride more, exercise more, etc. no one understands why I have to do things on my own schedule. Why traveling and being out of my routine really messes me up. Going over night to a barrel race will cause me to be down the Monday and possibly Tuesday after. Like I have to rest and reset. There are a lot of us out there. I know several barrel racers that have it. Some that had to give up riding all together. I’m blessed that I can still ride. I’m praying that I can slow the damage in my body. If I can’t find a good doctor to put me back on meds ASAP, I’m just going to continue to fall apart. It’s depressing to think about so I try not to think about it. I try to make provisions that help me. There is no cure. Only medication to calm down my over active immune system. One day it will affect my heart. It already affects my lungs, joints, neck, head, face, hands, feet, hips, knees.... you get the idea. I don’t want pity. But if you see me out there trying to saddle, feed, set up my stuff at a race, understand that I might need help. I might be on my last hour before I have to crash. It’s my life. When you don’t see me sitting in the stands to watch the race, understand that I am resting in my trailer because I hurt and the fatigue has set in. When you ask if I want to go get food, understand that I’m turning you down because I can’t move anymore. But I made it there. I got to run my horse(s) and that was a huge accomplishment. So don’t take it personal. Understand that I’m happy to get to do what I love but I have to take care of my insane body. On the plus side, I can still ride. I can still coach lessons. I can still clean saddles and sell things. I just ha e to rest after.