Complex Migraines. Life.

So lately I have been hammered with head pain (right side only), numbness in my face, right arm and right leg as well as pain in my right shoulder. After several doctor visits, testing and more testing to come, we "think" it is complex migraines. Basically a migraine that affects all these things and lasts for 4-6 weeks. It hurts. It sucks. It's life. Now to manage them. I'm confident that my neurologist will get me on the right track! 

In the mean time I was told to do something today that was hard. I was told that due to my health, I need to stop. I need to not do what I was planning to do. I can't go to Houston to celebrate my moms birthday, I'm a "I got this" person, I trudge on and keep trying to be "normal" ignoring my body, I wait until it's far past the initial issue before collapsing. Why? Because that's my personality, and I don't wNt to not be able to do things. Also, I don't like to let people down. So I keep going. Today I was told I am not going to Houston, my doctor said I cannot go. 

On one hand I am sad but on the flip side, being told no or giving permission to stop was relief. I was trying to figure out how to balance my pain, my numbness and my son along with driving, staying over night, driving more and such. Anxiety? Yeah. Was it possible for me to do these things? Sure but after I would pay the consequences. In fact I think I'm paying the consequences from the last time I tried to do it all. 

Where does this leave me? I need to learn to accept the things I cannot change. Accept who I am, what I can and cannot do and learn to put my health first. My health, my child, my husband, my home. But first, my body, and my body said to STOP. 

I'm praying that if I stay home, rest and get started on some sort of plan with my neurologist I will be able to rodeo. I just need to get that plan in action! But I have to finish the testing first. So while I am doing that, I'm going to chill. I'm going to take care of myself. My son. My husband and my home. (Critters too of course). Perhaps next week I will have a plan in place and can get back into the arena! God I hope so! 

I am keeping my horse in shape. I'm just doing it via 4- wheeler since my leg and arm keep going numb and I don't want to fall off my horse! I'm pre entered for a race in September so my goal is to be back to normal by then. GOD WILLING. 

This time last year.....

Looking back....this time last year.....I began to feel my torn him in ways that truly knocked me to my knees. I was trying to work for the fair. I had my son in day care. My horse was doing good but every run crippled me. I finally decided to get checked out about this time last year. Labor Day is when I was told that surgery was in my future. My life was a totally different life this time last year. I was trying to start a new career with all sorts of new adventures. However, God kept putting up road blocks. From my hip to my truck breaking down numerous times, Kolton got sick a lot and overall, I was stressed. The new life I was trying to start was taking a toll on my family. 

God has a plan y'all. We have to listen! I really wanted that career. I really thought it was perfect! But no. God had other plans. While I was struggling to be the best employee, mom, wife and me, God was saying STOP.  I wasn't listening. God told me stop many many times. It literally took me collapsing for me to hear him. I'm not a quitter. I am persistent. Hard headed. When I get something in my head, I have to finish it. I was HUMBLED. And to this day I thank HIM for that. No, God doesn't hurt you. No, he doesn't cause you stress and pain. But he does speak to you and he does want you to listen. I needed to SLOW DOWN. I need to be at home. I need to work on the issues at hand before taking on more. So we lost a paycheck but my son got his mama back. My horse is in shape. My business is growing. And guess what? We still have food on the table! 

Moral of the story, when you feel stressed, broken and/or just down right stretched too thin, STOP and pray. LISTEN for the answer. I could have saved my whole family a lot of stress by walking away from that "dream job" this time of last year. I would have not been in so much pain that I was dang near wheel chair bound. I could have spared my husband and my son from seeing me drop to my knees, crying in pain. All for a pay check? Some times we need to stop and reevaluate our situation and make adjustments to get back on HIS path for us. I am sure that there are many forks in my road and that I will soon stay once again but I am praying that I have the STRENGTH to stop and listen! Don't get buried so deep that you can't hear your own cry for help. Don't let the love and light of God bet shut out of your train of thought. 

Just something I wanted to share. I think we all have these moments where we forgot to stop and listen! 

WPRA

One thing about life, it is full of surprises! I just jumped off a cliff and signed up as a WPRA member...what does that mean? It means I am going PRO RODEO!!! WHOOP! I was blessed by a couple of friends who want to see me live my dream. One paid my permit fee and the other paid my first rodeo entry fee! I feel so blessed to have so many friends that believe in me! I honestly could not do this without the support, moral or financial, of these awesome friends! I do believe that every thing happens for a reason and God placed these friends in my life for a reason. I intend to pay it forward! In fact, that is all they asked is that I pay it forward! So on Sunday I begin my career as a professional barrel racer! Lynx and I will be running at BRAT Barrel Racing in Alvarado, TX. It is a co-sanctioned barrel race with WPRA. I need to win $1000 to fill my permit and then I will be a full member. I never had WNFR dreams except to go watch. But now that I have a horse that I truly believe can do it, my perspective has changed tremendously! I told myself we had to WIN the 1D at least 3 times before I take on this challenge. We have now won the 1D (that means we were the fastest time of the day) 4 times. We have placed in the top of the 1D many more times than that here in the last few months. Upon reaching my goal, I decided its now or never! I am 35, married with a 3 year old son. I have a nice little trailer and a truck that needs some TLC. BUT I am going to rodeo! Cowgirl Up! Its time to chase my dream!!! If you know of anyone who might be interested in sponsoring this Rookie, I am more than willing to advertise in exchange for sponsorship! From patches on my shirt to logos on my truck/trailer.....I will even add them to my blog and my Business page www.facebook.com/rachaelsequineservices ANY dollar amount will help! God has blessed me beyond belief and I will be giving all the glory to HIM. Over and out for today and thank you for keeping up with my crazy life!

Life is life....live it!

So I have been riding horses since I could sit up but really I didn't get competitive until I was 11. That is when I started taking English riding lessons. Yeah, English! It taught me a lot about body position, control, and balance. My folks bought me my first horse, TJ, at age 12/13. I'm a January baby and he was my Christmas present! Best thing ever! To this day I have to say that he was the best Christmas gift I have ever received! My son will count for my best birthday present :-) My life was not all perfect but I lived it this far. Still we all struggle from time to time with this and that but I am learning to appreciate the little things. It's hard some times to stop and just say "wow. I have so much to be grateful for! I have my family, horses, a house....." Instead we do the havenots. Those are the " I'm broke, I'm hungry, I'm tired, my truck is old, my trailer leaks etc." But shoot. I have a truck! I have a trailer! I have something to load in that trailer! 

So my question to you is....do you want to live a blessed life or a havenot life? I'm choosing blessed! Yes, I need to fix some things with my thinking on a daily baises but it's all in my head. So I vow to spend a little more time watching my horses eat grass, my son sleep, the sun rise and set over our land and most of all, appreciating my husband. Without him, I know I would be in a havenot life. 

On that note. My sweet hubby works his tail off all week long to put food on the table and support my horse habit. Bless his heart! I'm sure glad we took 7 years of dating before getting married because he can't ever say that he didn't realize how much my horsey habit would be a life style not just a habit! If we didn't have horses then we could go on vacation or live in a fancy house....but then what would I do? How would our son do? I know for a fact that having responsibilities such as animals really help a kid get a grasp on reality. BUT they have to have pride in their accomplishments. We as parents cannot do everything for our child. We have to let them learn and develope a sense of responsibility. I encourage every parent out there to stop FEEDING their kids horses, dogs, cat, whatever! Stop riding them for them! Stop just stop! Let the kid learn to do it themselves! All of my "failures" have only made me stronger. All of my struggles and bumps and bruises....yeah, they molded me into a stronger person. My folks never fed for me. They never clean my stall. They never rode my horse. It was ME. Even my show animals. Even when I was sick! All me! My animals depended on me. I knew that and I put them first (right along with school) and I still do. My son knows we have to feed the animals before we eat. He knows (3 years old) that we have to ride to be able to go to the barrel race. He knows that we have to pick up our trash so the animals don't get into it. Might seem odd to some people when my son comes to their house and he starts picking up trash and putting it into the garbage but that is who I am raising. A responsible boy who will grow up with a strong self worth. A strong set of morals, goals, pride, and responsibility! 

Ok, that is all for my words of wisdom today! I sure hope that mommy (me) can be a good role model for my son throughout his life by never giving up. I want to be the mama that my boy is proud of. I want him to say that I am a great person and strong. Won't it be cool if I can hit the rodeo road and share some of that lifestyle with my son? I can't wait!