The Lack Of Sleep Is Making Me Crazy

So I’m still awake. See, I’m a person whom enjoys a routine. I wake at 7 am, I do my things such as take my kid to school, bust my but to ride, clean saddles, organize (lets be real, I really organize my horse stuff), teach lessons, make my phone calls and then back to grab my kid from school. Then it’s this, that and dinner. Normally I’m in bed by 10:30. I always say I’m going to bed around 9. But there is always something to do before actually laying down, right? Well, when my routine gets turned upside down, I tend to mess up my sleep schedule. And last week, my life was turned upside down. Back in 2011 I gave birth to a big, bouncing, baby boy. Shortly after having my c-section, my husband threw out his back. We had 8 horses at the time and of course they needed hay. I still had staples in my belly. I was determined to get my chore done. Well, I managed to pull down a stack of hay on top of myself thus resulting in a weird type of issue. It’s like a hernia but not really. I basically pulled my healing muscles the wrong way. I have been managing it ever since. I finally HAD to do something about it. I mean, when you can’t wear pants comfortably, it’s hard to ride your horse! So on November 21st, my doctor went in to fix it. She found some adhesions that had stuck my small intestine to my abdominal wall on the right side. She also found that my c-section scar had healed all wrong and had to redo all 7 layers. Lucky for me, it was just the muscles and not below the fasciae. Naturally, this puts me 4-6 weeks off my horse. This also makes it very uncomfortable to sit up. I basically can stand up or lay down. On top of that I had an infection so antibiotics on board. I’m pretty uncomfortable. Throw in the fact that pain meds make me wound super tight and I can’t find a good position to sleep in, I’m having a major interruption to my routine. It’s almost 2 am and I am awake. Of course I can’t do squat. So I’m blogging! On the plus side, it was an easy fix. So no long term therapy and such. I will be able to go back to jeans once the 7 layers heal. I will be able to work on my core AGAIN. IM SUPER excited about this! I also have my husband taking care of me and my friend, Katelin, to help with the horses and my lessons. I feel very blessed! Now if I can just find something to keep my body moving tomorrow without pain and my mind working so that it will be ready to rest, maybe I can line things back out! I just went outside and loved on my ponies in the dark! That always makes me feel a little better! I feel the need to say this so hear me out. My little surgery is nothing compared to what some of my friends and family have had to endure. It seems so trivial compared to chemo, busted ribs, bust hip, MS, etc. but it is something to me. Yes, I had my eyes fixed this year too. That was also necessary. It’s so nice to be able to see! So I want to say that I am not complaining! Nope! I’m saying I am super blessed to have my tribe! And I will be super happy to return to my routine! 4-6 weeks off my horse is NOTHING compared to my hip surgery, my mega leg gash with high ankle sprain, my actual c-section, my reduction, my hysterectomy with appendectomy and gall bladder removal or even my heart cath back in 2007. Yeah. WOW is the word. But I get knocked down and I always come back stronger! So I’m going to set some goals. First, my diet will have more green and less white (carbs). My water intake is currently at 1000ml and climbing. I need to be back to a gallon a day. Once I can be a little more active, I’m going to walk. Yes. Walk! Then I will build up to something that my body can handle! With a bum hip and all my little stuff, I will have to see what I can do. My goal is to get back down to 145#. Currently holding steady between 150-157. Doesn’t seem like much but it is. I can do this! For now, I’m going to rest and heal!

Adulting

Anyone else look around and realize that OMG, you are an adult and you don’t feel mentally prepared to be one? That is me. I’m almost 40. Yeah, my body feels it but my brain still thinks that it is 20. I still say things like “when I grow up”... not even kidding. Then I realize that my spectrum of friends is odd. It ranges from 15 to 65. Weird. I know. But when you barrel race, you have an odd range of friends. Shocker....people look up to me! I’m over here just trying to hold my life together and then I realize I have friends and people whom actually look up to me or seek me out for advice. That is hard for me to comprehend. I get it. I give riding lessons. I have a cool horse but am I actually mentally ready to give out advice? Not sure. But I wonder if other grown ups feel the way I do. Do you ever look at your tribe and wonder how or why your tribe came to be? Are you the glue? This might sound totally random to some of y’all. But this is so,etching that really makes me go hmmmmmmm.... I am a friendly person. However I only have a few friends. Like, I can call them whenever about whatever type of friends. I mentally can’t handle the stress of juggling too many friends. I just can’t keep up. To be honest, I’m a horrible friend! I forget birthdays. I forget anniversaries. Most of my friends live far from me so they don’t see me but once a year, maybe. But somehow they still are my friends. How does that happen? I also feel personally responsible for my friends. If they are having issues, I feel like it’s up to me to be their rock no matter what I am personally dealing with in my own world. Rachael’s world is a little messy, emotional, tired, and anxious. But, if my friend needs me, I’m there! I’m like a beacon! Here I am! I can be your rock! Then I realize I’m more like a marshmallow. However my friends still see me as strong and all that. I’m not y’all. I’m a mess! I’m going to blame it on adulting! My husband is my rock! He is specially designed, by God, to keep me from melting in the fire (I’m a marshmallow, remember?) and I thank God daily for him! So here I am offering all this support, advice, love etc when really, my 20 year old brain is making all sorts of sizzling noises. With that being said, I would not trade my life for anything. I love all my friends. I love my life! I love that I might be able to help someone with their life or their horse from time to time! I love to help others. But am I qualified? Let me say it like this... I learned about horses by being around horses and horse people. I was told to do a lot of things and honestly, I did what made sense and passed over the things that didn’t make sense. I’m very quirky about how I saddle my horse, warm him up and even how I run. My Grandma Zanek taught me soooooo much about horses growing up. Now she didn’t rodeo or anything like that but she taught me about horse sense. She also put me in a position to learn and grow in my equine skills. My parents fostered this idea as well. I did not go to clinics. I did not take many lessons (English lessons for 8 months when I was in junior high) but I was surrounded by other equestrians. I cleaned stalls for a horse trainer who really loved to put my butt on some of the quirkiest horses then tell me everything I was doing wrong. I would clean 25 stalls, saddle 10 head then I would get told to warm so in so up.... I swear the man set me up for failure on a daily basis! But I learned! Boy did I learn! I worked for a summer camp and learned how to saddle 50 head in less than 30 minutes CORRECTLY. Because if you didn’t do it correctly than the favorite trail horse would get a gall or a saddle sore. So I learned. I learned from barrel racers. I learned from old cowboys. I was blessed to have those old cowboys in my life! They taught me cool tricks! They also taught me about the reality of horsemanship. I learned how to load a horse that won’t load. I learned how to ride rank. I learned how to gain respect from my horse while demanding respect from the same horse. I learned about partnership and teamwork. The list is long and looking back, wow, I am old! I’d ha e to be old to fit all that I have learned into my lifetime. Moving forward.... now I teach riding lessons and I compete on horses that I raised. I still feel like I have so much to learn. I still yearn for someone to school me on my horsemanship. So am I really qualified to be that person for someone else? That is the moment I realized that I’m an adult. I can be someone’s rock even though I’m a marshmallow. I can pass on my knowledge while still absorbing new knowledge. I can still improve myself and teach others. Back to my friends. I will do my best to be a good friend. I apologize for my forgetful nature. Blame it on adulting! Sometimes I just need to be in my head. Yes, it’s a mess but I like it there! So when I’m at a race and I seem a little distant, don’t worry, I’m just in my head. Thank you guys for sticking around! However, sometimes I can’t be that cheerleader, pacifier, warm fuzzy blanket that you need. I’m sorry. I’m a marshmallow! Maybe one day, when I grow up, I can be all that for my friends! I will do what I can but I can’t always prioritize things in a way that makes everyone happy. See, I have a family, some weirdo horses and some dogs that love me unconditionally and I tend to put them first! But again, I will do what I can! ❤️

Let Your Light Shine Down!

I am not sure how many folks out there actually know me or just simply are entertained by my randoming. Honestly, it’s all good! If you are reading these posts then MAYBE I can share my little light with you! I recently had someone say that I brought them closer to God. This statement can be taken many ways! 😱 Did I scare her enough to make her see the light of God? Did I show kindness and love, such as God’s love during an event/crisis/experience? Did I reflect on how God had been such a strong presence in my life and she just decided to look as I look up? Who knows the answer. You see, as a Christian, I walk by faith. I don’t go around flaunting “ teeheee God loves me more than he loves you🤥”. That is not how I want to live my life. I feel that God puts all of us in a place to learn and move forward. No matter where you start your journey, HE will help guide you IF YOU ASK! True story! I actually just asked the big guy to throw down some light my way! I was feeling as if my light 👉🏻Inner light is God’s Love Shining Through Me👈🏻 Has been growing dim. I had been hearing my friends say things like they hate or don’t believe in God. I straight up heard one of my close friends say that s/he was glad that I felt loved by God but He doesn’t exist. This person is a devote Christian. So, I went to church after all this and went down to the alter to thank God for all of his blessings and to please change out my lightbulbs so I could be a stronger light for the world! I also had a friend with us (my kid was with me as well) and I begged God for more light! The friend that was with us is the one whom informed me that somehow I drew her closer to God. 👍🏻 But guys, it wasn’t me! Nope, it was God using me as a vessel! And honestly, if I am going to be USED by anyone, I prefer to be used to share about God’s love and blessings! Changing course for a second 👀... Did you know I was raised Catholic, married Methodist and now I am simply a Christian? I have heard it all. People saying I’m moving further away from God because I can’t “choose” a religion 🤷🏼‍♀️. Guys, it’s not even about RELIGION! Religion, through my eyes, is simply man made rules that float along with the Bible. If you love your religion and the rules you are to follow, Please do carry on! For me personally, I just want to be a part of a church family that doesn’t judge me (God is our only judge), one that encourages you to feel God’s love, not wrath, wrap you up in a huge hug! So I AM A CHRISTIAN! Back on topic. God is pretty cool. He puts me in some interesting situations that just opens the door for me to share a little light! But sometimes, y’all, I need my bulb changed out! So when someone is hating on Our Father, I swear my little light is try8ng to grow so that I can help them see his love. Am I rambling? Anyhow, I asked and I received! My friend told me I drew her closer to God and she just randomly said it. God is funny like that! She had no idea that I totally needed to hear that exact phrase! I think God was saying “LOOK HERE! You shinned my light on this one and look at here reflect it!” My other friend is going through hard times so I will say prayers for them and just pray that when that friend comes to me, my light will be bright! One more thing. Thank you guys for always praying with me. Strangers and friends. I am never short a hand to h9ld in the warm up pen at a barrel race for someone to pray with me! I pray that I will always have enough light to shine down on those in need! Amen!

God, Horses, and Life

God is so funny! My husband and I were just talking about how sad it is that Gabe the Babe hurt himself bad enough to be fully retired. We talked about how we wish we could find another like him that wasn't on the injured list. Well, I remembered a horse I looked at last year for a student. He was bred really nice and kid friendly. Of course I didn't have the money to buy him at the time. Well, I contacted the owner and the horse shows up at my house today!!! I had been praying for an answer because my son really wants to ride. But he needs a cow pony! Not a barrel horse! Big Bad Ralph fits the bill! I'm not even sure how this all fell into place but it did! Sure, I now have another horse. But I have another horse that can work as a lesson horse AND my son can ride him! All of my horses give lessons. Gabe just got pulled from the line up due to a torn hamstring as well as a locking stifle. Ralph is a year younger (2002 model) but still has plenty to offer! We are so Blessed! Thank you Lord!

Thankful, Grateful and Blessed....

Oh Lord, it's so hard to be Humble...

OK, you have to be old to finish that song! But honestly, I see a lack of humility and an inflation of pride among barrel racers as a whole. I get it. I do! I am super proud of my ponies from this weekend! But.... ya'll... you have to stop and thank God for your BLESSINGS!!! I see so many that fall and blame God. I see so many that want to walk away and throw down that sucker into the dirt. Did you stop and ask God what is going on? Or did you blame Him for what ever it is that is going wrong? Do you realize that for everything that has ever gone wrong in my life (and oh Lord, it's a LONG LIST!) I have just as many BLESSINGS! We all fall into the well of self doubt, self pity, self loathing. Guys, we have got to STOP. We have got to look UP and pray! We need to thank God that our horses didn't try to kill us while we were in that arena!!!!!! So we didn't win. But Holy Cow! Did you see that run? Did you stay on your horse? Did you HAVE FUN??? Did you die? If you look at it as fun vs winning/loosing, I think you will be blown away at how your outlook is before and after a race! Also, if you look at race results..out of 200 runners, only like 25 get a check. So are we doing this to win??? Or are we doing this to have fun? If I was barrel racing to provide food for my family, I'd be living under a bridge with my horse and my dog. Seriously!! I am so blessed to have a husband whom supports my barrel racing habit!

Now some of you might say "yeah but you have a nice horse and you do win a lot". Guys, I have had everything from a 10D horse to a 1D horse. It doesn't make hills beans what I am running. I am Grateful, Thankful and Blessed. I had the $500 with saddle appaloosa that was green broke. We hauled with a beat up 70's model stock (in the 90's) and a chevy van! That horse was so cool! We had our ups and downs, but we had FUN. To this day, the only time that I didn't have fun running barrels was when I let it get in my head that I had to win money. Or when I surrounded myself with negative Nancy's!! That is the other issue. Your circle should be supportive and encouraging. If they are not....Maybe you need to either try to build them up or walk away. I have had a lot of "friends" that really just needed me to share with them about how to turn their thinking around and bam....they figured out how to be positive! I have had way too many that, no matter what, they were going to be negative, verbally bash others, and pass judgement on every single detail of everything. I have learned that I have to pray for these folks and just walk away.

Back to the main point of this post. Our God is a Loving God. When you are struggling...perhaps you are looking down and not up? I know that things can go south fast. Like seriously bad. I have dealt with so much bad stuff from the death of friends/family and my beloved animals. I have survived a lot too. I don't want to air my laundry but, I have been to the bottom. That is when we need to look up. We need to stop and ask God to help. Sometimes we want to blame Him for our troubles. But I can say that for every bad thing that has happened, I have been doubly blessed! My good out weighs the bad! ALWAYS! Just the fact that I wake up every morning is a true blessing! Stop counting all the negatives and start counting the blessings. I promise that you will start to see the light at the end of the tunnel! God has a plan and a purpose for each of us. Perhaps he is diverting you to the path you are meant to follow? I know that I have swirled around in the woods wondering what in the world is going on then, all of the sudden, there is this huge path smack in front of me! Its AMAZING! I literally lost my only competition horse due to a freak accident. He is still alive but he cant run for me anymore. I didn't think I had anything to compete on. I mean....I had the 4 year old (Lynx) and the 5 year old who liked to buck....what was I going to do??? Guess what? I loaded up Lynx and he began his career!!! God closed one door and literally opened another that has been such an awesome path!!!



1. Count your Blessings not your Faults

2. Be thankful, grateful and blessed

3. God is ALWAYS there FOR you not AGAINST YOU but sometimes you need to look UP to see this.

4. Always be thankful for your ability to go make a run, ride your horse, have a horse........

5. Don't let others get in your head and take away your JOY.

That One Horse

We all have that one horse.You know. The one that makes us who we are today. The one that you wish you could keep forever. The one who taught you a lot and worked so hard for you at the same time. Some of us are blessed to get more than one. I'm very blessed to say that I have personally been the proud owner (or owned by) at least four of the version of that one horse! T.J. Was my first horse. He taught me all the things NOT to do when running a barrel horse. He also taught me grit. He taught me to listen. He taught me to be more aware of what is going on. He died too soon at the age of 19 in the fall of 2005. Next was Gabe. Yes I had a few between T.J. and Gabe but I have to skip over Thomas I didn't get as much time with them as I have Gabe. Gabe was that $800 yearling full of piss and vinegar from the get go. He was a hard nut to crack but on the inside, he has a heart of gold. But he wants things just so. He taught me to rejoice with the little accomplishments. He might have been a 3D local, 4/5D at big shows sort of barrel horse but he won his far share! Gabe is now 17 and retired. He has done it all from team penning, barrel racing, moving cows and right down to giving lessons. He also was able to carry my child through a year of playdays. If I had the money, I would put the $3000 in to him to fix what ever is wrong with him but honestly, he is fat, happy, and totally earned his right to be a sassy pasture ornament! When we were running, he gave his all. He was honest. If something was wrong, he told me. However, that punk would devour a set of reins, lead ropes, and in some situations, someone else's tack set! Not even kidding! He won a saddle, a buckle and a ton of other little things. He also won a lot of money! But due to weird circumstances, he is now just retired. Lynx is next. Lynx is my weirdo barrel horse! He is now 11. Born on our ranch out of a mare that was also born on our ranch. Oddly enough, he is the result of my hand picked bloodlines on a budget! I didn't plan on keeping him. Nope, he was for sale as a yearling and no one wanted him. Can't blame them. Despite his pedigree, he was an ugly ducking! Some how he ended up being mine. That blonde spot on his neck was something he was born with and he also has one on his front ankle. I had a dream about him before he was born and knew what he would look like before he hit the ground. Sure enough, my dream came true! He came out exactly like I dreamed! None the less, I had him for sale for $1500 and no bites. Finally I managed to get him from my dad and bring him home. I had no idea he would be the athlete that he is today! He has won about five buckles (I really need to count them) I don't even know how much money, and 3 saddles to date. I have never, in my life, had a horse that would run full speed to the first barrel and wrap it! It's a feeling like no other! I also have never owned a horse that ran in the 1D/2D at most all of his races! He is quirky. He has his special little things that I do just for him. He likes a routine. He wants me to say "Are you ready?? Lets Go!" In the alley! He loves his "special care" before each run and he is insanely jealous of attention that I give to anyone when I am riding him. He doesn't like me to answer my phone when we are riding. He hates anything heavy on his head. In fact, we ride in a super light snaffle with a super light headstall at home and we run in a super light bit. Even my race day reins are light and without snaps. To this day, no one has ever run him on barrels except me. Dee and Robert Carlton broke him and put a trotting pattern on him late in his 2nd year. But no one will ever run him except me. With that being said, he is an awesome lesson horse!! He will pack the kids around all day long. He rides like an English please horse at home (too fast for a western pleasure horse). He is a phenomenon! It just so happens that we bred Lynx's Dam back and Goose aka Perks on the Fly came into my life. Another well bred foal that no one wanted. He was born a gurlla and yes, I also had a dream about him before he hit the ground. I even have a sculpture that I made some 25 years ago that matches his markings. True to the mare's off spring, Goose is also quirky. However, he too went off to Dee and Robert and came back with the same pattern as Lynx. You can literally put their videos side by side and see how they maneuver around the pattern. Goose has had some really random stuff that we had to work through. Luckily I learned how to listen. Finally, at age 7, he is being entered into barrel races!!! I had to get some help though and I am not ashamed to say, I just don't have the trust bond like I do with Lynx to push Goose on the pattern. Well, God threw a 20 year old into my life whom is assuming the position of Jockey for Goose. I am super thrilled with how he is taking to his new life as a barrel horse!!! I have no doubt that he will give Lynx a run for his money! I really enjoy riding him at home. For the first time in my life, I have two that I really love to ride! Its just sort of crazy that they are maternal brothers!!!! They are both big boys! Zbar Lynx To Cash stands 15.3 hands and turns like a little cutter. Perks on the Fly stands 16.1 hands high and also turns like a little cutter! How on earth did I get so lucky to have these two??? Oh yeah...I am blessed! All in all, I have to say that God has really put the right horses in my path and the right people to guide and help me along the way! We might have to deal with some quirks here and there. But I feel that God has a plan for me! He is not done with me! So I will keep on riding Lynx and Goose and if I am really blessed, I will get one more foal out of Roxy (their Dam). I will be 40 in January and I am looking forward to the next chapter with Goose as my wing man and Lynx as my rock star! So when you loose "that one horse" understand that it might not be the end but the next chapter. Like I said, I have been blessed with 4! Don't give up. Just be patient and wait. If your heart is really in it and you trust God, your life will be filled with wonderful horses! I would not trade all the heart ache for the blessings that have been put on my plate!