Excited!

Today I began to prep my trailer for my upcoming barrel race! See, around my birthday weekend, there is always a barrel race that I attend! It used to be called the Jurassic Classic. Now it’s the Dinosaur Classic! I normally haul one horse and freeze my butt off. I don’t normally win any money but I always enjoy going. Issue is, I’m an over Thinker! I begin to prep the trailer the week before. Well today I finally got a chance to go out and begin the “overhaul” on the trailer only to find a mix of random trash stashed here and there and I actually find things I have been looking for in the past! One think I can say is that today, I found SPACE. Y’all, I had no idea I had that much crap in my cubby hole! So I cleaned the floor up, sat my butt down and began to dig through all the important stuff I had stashed in random places! It’s cold out and windy so riding is out of the question considering I spent all day yesterday suffering with my sinuses. Tomorrow will be a busy day of lessons. So today is the day. I can honestly say that I am truly blessed to have my trailer! It has two beds, a shower and a potty! It also has your typical tv and a microwave that gets used mostly for storage. But today....it’s cleaned out and might actually get used! Of course I will need to stock my closet with clothes and try to figure out where to put my ice chests..plural...one for horse leg wraps and one for human consumption. I also need to do the dreaded “making of the bed” chore. But I have to say I am super excited! This year I get to haul TWO horses! My stunt double is going to enter up Lynx’s younger brother! This means that I will, for the first time in my life, have two horses that I RAISED and trained going to a major race! Yes, it’s about time! Goose is now 8! Both boys might be a little fresh but all in all, I am excited! Lynx loves this arena and loves the downhill alleyway! I’m sure Goose will figure it out and love it as well! I’m very blessed to have Katelin in my life. She has shown me that my big black gelding is a lot like his older brother. Maybe next year I will be running Goose on my birthday weekend! I will be turning 40 on January 29th. I am also very blessed that my husband and kiddo encourage me to go run on my birthday weekend! I had to miss this race the year of my hip surgery but I don’t think I have missed it since 2014. Can you tell I’m excited? Of course it’s always a chore to prep the trailer for the humans, horses and my dog. But it is a chore that gets my blood going in a good way! Sure, I could be like normal people and have a birthday party or birthday dinner but honestly, I rather go barrel racing! I have hauled to this race with much less “amenities” in my trailer but now I am totally portable! I am so blessed! So as I write this and plan to share, I’d like to ask for prayers of safety and prayers of sanity for us all! I feel like asking for happy prayers is way more beneficial than asking for luck. Honestly, I don’t believe in luck. If we depended on my winnings, I’d never get to run these amazing athletes! I’d be living in my trailer under a bridge somewhere! Lol! Nope, I am totally blessed! So if you see me at the race, I’d be happy to say a little prayer with you and I will be all smiles because I GET TO go barrel racing on my birthday weekend!

Friends.

There is a secret about me that I am going to share. I don't have a lot of "friends". Yes, I have a lot of folks that know me on the outside. I have a lot of people who surround my life. But I don't let too many into my actual circle. When I do let someone into my circle, I tend to hold tight to them. I care deeply. I think about them often. I remember the little things that they do and I do my best to remember the important things that make them happy. When they are sick, sad, or down, I care. I can't help it. I think I literally have five of these friends in my life. They may or may not know that they hold a place in my heart. They may not realize that they are one of the few. Problem is, some of the "few" have broken my heart in the past and I have had to walk away for my own sanity. They didn't realize how I felt. They took advantage or they decided I wasn't good enough to be their friend. Things were toxic and I had to close the door. But it never fails that someone will step into my life and fill that spot. This could be a flaw in me. The fact that I trust too often. The fact that when I am truly friends with someone I give up a chunk of my heart to them. I would bend over backwards to help them even if all I can be for them is an ear or a safety net. I also give these friends a lot of opportunities to tear out my heart. And that makes me vulnerable. But like I said, I care. If I let someone in, I let them in. It has come to my attention that my blind faith in my friends could be a flaw. It could be damaging to my personality. But I just can't help it. There are so few people that actually "click" with my personality that when I find one, I latch on. I never would have thought that caring for a person deeply was a flaw. I never would have thought that being a good friend even when that person was trying to walk away, was a flaw. I never would have thought that caring, loving and forgiving was a flaw in my character. However, as I approach the ripe age of 40, I am realizing that it is, in fact, a flaw. Hindsight is 20/20. I could have saved myself a lot of heartbreak if I had never let certain people into my circle. To be honest, I would not change it. Nope. That person might have walked all over me but I feel that God put that person in my life for a reason. It might have opened my soul up to learn something new about myself or it might have helped that person find out something new about themselves. So I will keep on keeping on. I will keep loving those in my circle. When one walks out, I will pray for them and keep on my path. After all, first and foremost, I am a wife, mother, sister and a daughter FIRST. I am a friend AFTER those things. Maybe God wants me to shine for others. Maybe he sends people to my circle so I can share a small part of my light with them. I refuse to let anyone take away my love. I will refuse to let anyone take my sunshine! But I also refuse to stop loving my circle. And I refuse to apologize for being me.