Why Cant I....

Why cant I just stop and enjoy life? Just stop and grow some roots and enjoy what we as a family own and do. Why not? Why do I have to have a job? Because society says I have too have a job. Well screw that. Yeah money is nice but I think I need to change my way of thinking. I think I need to stop trying to figure out ways to make money and start figuring out ways to save money. I think its time for me to learn how to be part of the community and learn how to grow roots. Jeff and I have no intentions of moving. We love our home. We plan to stay here for a while. We will figure out what to do about the crappy school district when we need too but perhaps by then it will change. Or maybe by then another private school will open! Or heck, our church has an affordable school! k-12! So for now, I need to slow it down and back up. I need to re-evaluate what is really important in life. My family comes first. Next my horses and animals, my extended family then everything else. So perhaps, after I recover from my hip surgery, Kolton can go to mothers day out vs day care. That will save us a lot of money and he can still have a learning experience and I can still have some time! Then I will work on my horses. I have Lynx to get in shape and then Goose will need to be patterned. Yeah, I think that is what I will do. Then I imagine Kolton will want to ride too. He and Gabe will get along great. Kolton actually ASKED to ride HIS horse when we were at the junior rodeo! SO of course we saddled him up since Gabe was there and he asked! Jeff led him around for like 20 minutes! I bet by next spring he will want to compete~ and I think we can do that! The youth rodeo that we went too has things for all ages!Perhaps if I get involved there I can meet folks and actually start to put down some real roots. Knowing that we are going to stay here, it really makes me want to get out an meet people. I have always been one to keep to myself. I am not big on having a lot of friends. I dont feel the need to go to social gatherings. Never really have. In fact I rather sit at home and watch TV but perhaps its time to change! I think I need to stop turning people down when I am invited to go places! Anyhow, I just feel like I was programmed to succeed. To find a job making millions. To become this career driven mad woman where I am the bread winner. Yeah, I dont think that fits me at all. I do like to feel like I have a purpose but I have a child. He is now my purpose! I have a family. I have a home. I have a community. I need to stop and look around. I am not worthless just because I dont pull in the big bucks. My husband wants to provide for us. There is nothing wrong with that! Anyhow, hip surgery is scheduled for Monday! I need to get through that and heal!