Complex Migraines. Life.

So lately I have been hammered with head pain (right side only), numbness in my face, right arm and right leg as well as pain in my right shoulder. After several doctor visits, testing and more testing to come, we "think" it is complex migraines. Basically a migraine that affects all these things and lasts for 4-6 weeks. It hurts. It sucks. It's life. Now to manage them. I'm confident that my neurologist will get me on the right track! 

In the mean time I was told to do something today that was hard. I was told that due to my health, I need to stop. I need to not do what I was planning to do. I can't go to Houston to celebrate my moms birthday, I'm a "I got this" person, I trudge on and keep trying to be "normal" ignoring my body, I wait until it's far past the initial issue before collapsing. Why? Because that's my personality, and I don't wNt to not be able to do things. Also, I don't like to let people down. So I keep going. Today I was told I am not going to Houston, my doctor said I cannot go. 

On one hand I am sad but on the flip side, being told no or giving permission to stop was relief. I was trying to figure out how to balance my pain, my numbness and my son along with driving, staying over night, driving more and such. Anxiety? Yeah. Was it possible for me to do these things? Sure but after I would pay the consequences. In fact I think I'm paying the consequences from the last time I tried to do it all. 

Where does this leave me? I need to learn to accept the things I cannot change. Accept who I am, what I can and cannot do and learn to put my health first. My health, my child, my husband, my home. But first, my body, and my body said to STOP. 

I'm praying that if I stay home, rest and get started on some sort of plan with my neurologist I will be able to rodeo. I just need to get that plan in action! But I have to finish the testing first. So while I am doing that, I'm going to chill. I'm going to take care of myself. My son. My husband and my home. (Critters too of course). Perhaps next week I will have a plan in place and can get back into the arena! God I hope so! 

I am keeping my horse in shape. I'm just doing it via 4- wheeler since my leg and arm keep going numb and I don't want to fall off my horse! I'm pre entered for a race in September so my goal is to be back to normal by then. GOD WILLING.