I am Missing Ruger Right Now. :(

Well, Jeff went to Many vet clinic to pick up Ruger's ashes today. I guess I needed another day to mourn cause I cant seem to quit crying.I miss him so much and it seems that I keep reflecting back to when he was alive. I also found out (by the tag on his urn) that he was down 15 pounds when he was laid to rest. I knew we was on a down hill slide and I had no idea that he had lost that much weight. Like everyone said, I knew it was time. So, why is it so hard? Why cant I be happy that he is in a better place? Why do I feel such a hole in my heart and want to cling to him right now? The tears keep coming and I dont think they will stop today. I guess I need to stop and reflect today. I took the two labs and Colt out for a walk, a swim and some fetch. That just made it hurt even more because Ruger LOVED to play fetch. Colt has no desire to do so. Ruger also loved to swim. Yeah, Colt doesnt like that either. But, Colt is acting more like MY dog everyday. He is more responsive to me now and came to lick my tears away earlier today. Colt has a lot of great qualities and I am sure that he will help me to realize that he is a great companion. I am glad that we were blessed with Rem because Ellis is not so upset about me giving Colt special attention. Now, I have the heeler all to myself again, just like it was with Ruger. I read somewhere that Dog's live shoter lives than humans because God put us here to learn how to love unconditionally and dogs are born to love unconditionally. So, they dont have to stay on earth as long as humans. Right now, I wish that Ruger could have been around for at least 50 more years. I know that if I had not put him down when I did, he would have suffered a lot of pain. At least he was still aware of everything when he passed. OK, now, I need to go cry some more.