OK, this is a weird post for me, but, I am having an issue...There is a funeral Sunday for a man who inspired me soooooo much. Mr. McCarey was a cowboy. He was a tell it like it is, no need for fluff cowboy. I was in awe when we went to his 90th B-day and he got on Bryan (his horse) and rode him around the arena....everyone wanted him to get off, but he refused. He died Thursday at age 92. Last time Jeff and I went by there, he was so happy to see us. I just knew that we needed to stop and say hi! That was a few months ago (maybe 6) and he was down, but still full of him self...He always had that cowboy wisdom to pass on to us youngins. I loved his stories and just in general loved to be around him. He was the one who Dubbed TJ Speed Wiesel. He also told me that I needed to retire TJ and get Gabe going...Gabe was only a yearling when I kept TJ at the McCarey house. He loved Gabe and said that Gabe would be around for a lifetime. I always said, "No, he is a turn around" Pop would come back and say "Sure, wait till you get to ride him, he is a keeper". That meant a lot to me :) Now, look at Gabe....my ideal horse.
My problem is that the funeral is Sunday and I really dont want to go. Not just because it is a funeral and NO I have no other plans. I just dont think Pop would want us to drive down there to cry over his death. He was one to tell me that time is best spent on a horse. I feel like I would do better to honor his life by staying home and enjoying my horses. I know that he would be proud of us for running today. My other thing is that I feel that funerals are for the family. I was by far family...I am a strange griever. I rather grieve by myself. I rather take Gabe to the back and have myself a good cry than to be around a bunch of folks crying.....Am I a bad person for this? Also, someone once told me that funerals are for the family so you can hug them and show them support....There will be so many folks that were a lot closer to the family there. I will feel much more in the way than anything....
2 comments:
sometimes its hard to make a choice like this one. Do you go and be miserable or be pushed to the back or do you stay at home and grieve by yourself and show your support when they need it the most?
Totally agree girl. We ended up sleeping through the alarm and did not wake up in time to make it. I guess when I prayed about it that night, God answered by saying "rest" and I am glad I did too. I think just by getting on Gabe and running barrels, Poppa was smiling up above saying "Just ride Girl, Just ride"
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